Have you ever wondered the race or ethnicity of your favorite characters from your favorite TV shows and movies? No. Because that's weird. But we're gonna do that today in the ever unbinged character racial draft starting now. Guys, today, we are paying homage to Chappelle's show's racial draft by taking all of the characters from pop culture in the universes that we love, and we're gonna look at these characters that are maybe a little racially ambiguous or of mixed descent, and we are going to be picking them for our teams with our various delegations represented by all of our hosts here on the show.
Alfredo Brown:And why are we doing this? Because it's fun. There's there's not it's not that deep, bro. Just get get over it. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:We're having fun here today. Before we start this off and we announce the order and we kick off the draft, we need to read off the rules. Sam, can you hit us with the rules for today's draft?
Samantha Holt:Okay. I can do that. Rules. Once a character has been selected, all iterations of that character are off the board. If there is a group or tandem of characters that are specifically related to one another, I e, Mario and Luigi, those characters will be drafted together.
Samantha Holt:If a character's original ethnicity is called into question, the drafting team can make their case, and the remaining teams will decide if they are allowed to draft that player.
Alfredo Brown:Can can can I tell you why we needed to make that rule? Because Koff put Storm in the player pool, and we just needed to make sure that he understood where we're going with this. Alright. So we've got a draft order here. We did a randomized draft order.
Alfredo Brown:It's a snake draft order, four picks per team. Jag, congratulations. The black delegation gets the very pick in this draft. Sam and I are gonna combine forces for the Latino delegation. Vig, congrats.
Alfredo Brown:You get all of Asia. And cough. Well, yeah, we we know. Alright. Let's get let's get into the draft here.
Alfredo Brown:You know what we're gonna do here is when we announce these picks, let's make it very formal. Let's give our reasoning why we're excited for these, not players, call them characters. Sure. Jag, you've got the very pick. Kick us off.
Jagger May:I think now in 2025, there is an obvious one zero one. And especially as a black delegation, right now, in theory, and I would say metaphorically because I still want it. This is my 40 acres and a mule right here. The one zero one pick right now. I am doing this for all of my brothers out there.
Jagger May:I'm doing this for everyone who is told you can't date my daughter. I am drafting Hailee Steinfeld as a one zero one. Yes. It's Mary from sinners, but I'm drafting I'm drafting Hailee Steinfeld in general because here's why. Her grandmother is half black, and that is enough for me.
Matthew Kopfhamer:That's all I need.
Alfredo Brown:Is enough. Said with his hand raised.
Jagger May:Yes. Right now, I'm
Matthew Kopfhamer:giving you the Nixon finger
Jagger May:while I say this. I'm sorry, Josh Allen. She's the hoods now. She's ours. You know?
Jagger May:It's good luck. You're paying the rent for us, brother. But, you know, we saw how she said that Michael B. Jordan stuck her stuck her tongue stuck his tongue up her coos.
Matthew Kopfhamer:That was straight up black woman
Alfredo Brown:in Tongue in the coos will be on the graphic on the video, by the way.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:So I'll
Jagger May:let you know that. That was a scorned woman who
Matthew Kopfhamer:who was straight up left by a fuck boy.
Jagger May:You know how many black women I've seen that? She was straight out of a Tyler Perry movie. That wasn't acting. That was life. She's one of ours.
Alfredo Brown:It's it's I knew you were going this this way. We knew you were going this way. You've been talking about this for weeks since we decided this draft. This was
Jagger May:Caleb Williams. This was Peyton Manning. You guys knew who was the one on one.
Alfredo Brown:You knew it. We knew this. We knew this early. Feel like we just
Samantha Holt:did this just for this pick.
Alfredo Brown:Yes. This was the whole point of this draft.
Jagger May:The Sam else matters for me after this. Nothing
Alfredo Brown:else. Nothing else. He's just gonna go Black Panther, Storm, people we already knew were black. They're on the team. Congrats.
Alfredo Brown:Purity.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Robert Gunning Junior?
Alfredo Brown:What oh, hey. Don't no. I'm joking. No giving away. No giving it away.
Alfredo Brown:Sam, we we talked about this beforehand because we had a feeling Jag was gonna go this direction. Yeah. I want I want you to announce this pick for for the Latino delegation.
Samantha Holt:I'm very excited to take this as our as the one zero two, but number one in our hearts. We're gonna go with Ashoka Tano.
Jagger May:Oh, you son of a bitch.
Samantha Holt:I know. Deal with it. Deal with it. We're playing keep away. She's the best, strongest, and I like to think of this draft as who we're gonna actually start battle or on the court.
Samantha Holt:And I feel like she'd crush it on either. And I feel like it kinda goes without saying. You got the sass. You got the energy. It's just giving Latina vibes.
Samantha Holt:I'm sorry.
Alfredo Brown:If if there was a
Jagger May:those those could be my pick for sure.
Alfredo Brown:I mean, if there was ever someone from the Jedi Order originally who is a Latina, the fulcrum of the force? Like, come on. Yes. The the person willing to to step out, walk away from the Jedi Order also kinda felt like we needed to keep her away from Vig coming up with the next pick. So, Vig, you're on the clock now for the Asian delegation with pick three.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Man, this is kinda weird. Right?
Alfredo Brown:Like, I
Vignesh Doraiswamy:have the entirety of Asia. What does that give me? All of anime? All of,
Alfredo Brown:like, everyone. No. No. It's any any that's ambiguous? No.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Can have a big there, dawg.
Alfredo Brown:Jack's like, you've got the entire cast of Avatar. What are we doing? That's what
Matthew Kopfhamer:I was doing, man.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:That's what that's what I'm going for. Like, you know, can I, you
Alfredo Brown:know Yeah? You can.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:We can I just can I take Avatar Aang? I can, but I can take him at any point. He doesn't need to be my one zero one. I could get him King Jugger. Mean, mean, y'all can get him.
Alfredo Brown:He's not getting cuffed.
Samantha Holt:Keep away from cuffed.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Just keep
Alfredo Brown:away from cuffed.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Cough has nothing. Avatar anger.
Alfredo Brown:He's voiced by a white kid. Nope. I'm just saying, cough's got a little bit
Vignesh Doraiswamy:of claim. Oh, we're using that kind of claim too. Alright. That's fine then.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Any claim.
Alfredo Brown:There's it's it's very open to interpretation. By the way, saying claiming people for races
Vignesh Doraiswamy:is nuts. I know. Absolutely nuts. They're not believing.
Alfredo Brown:Koff, if there's anyone who can't say it, it's you.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Hey, Rich. You have Keep calling them terrorists.
Jagger May:Koff, you use the word. You accept them. Okay. That's your word. We can say claim.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I am happy to accept. We're
Jagger May:reclaiming. You accept. Oh,
Vignesh Doraiswamy:man. Look. Honestly, for a variety of reasons related to whether it's nostalgia, the the factor that the show played in a lot of people's sort of, like, lives, the the wholesome nature of it, the life lessons, how it caters to kids, adults, everywhere alike. Avatar Aang is my one zero one. It is the rare show that I will watch every single year and learn something new every single time.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:And, yeah, it's just it's a really great show. Honestly, was thinking about making uncle Iroh my one zero one. Can't even take claim to him, cock hammer. You can't accept him, but you know what? Uncle Iroh is another favorite character.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:It's a great show. I could just take that entire universe and take a lot of characters from that show, but I'll start with Avatar Aang because I have another pick that I think I can make all the way up in my in my round that no one else is gonna take. I might regret it, but we'll see. I'm excited.
Alfredo Brown:We're gonna see. We're gonna see. Vig is Vig is 100% the colts and the packers. Like, we know exactly what kind of players he's gonna draft throughout this thing. Vig is
Vignesh Doraiswamy:You don't anymore. This one's different. This is not this is gonna be a whole this entire draft for me is gonna be a bunch of wholesome characters. Characters and and people that give me joy. They might not be the most powerful like they usually are in all the other drafts that I beat you guys in in one.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:They might not be the fastest Jack's
Alfredo Brown:about to trade up for Winnie Pooh in the round. I'm seeing it right now.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Look. How do you even
Alfredo Brown:you can trade
Jagger May:him about wholesome. That's like that's like
Samantha Holt:don't know. Cute, cuddly draft.
Jagger May:Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:Alright. Cough. Cuddle. Okay. Your team your team questionable shirt, but you've got back to back choices here on the turn going from round one to round two.
Matthew Kopfhamer:So this pick, you may may not allow, but I don't care. I'm doing it anyway because I is white. pick at the spot, I'm going with Alfredo Brown. Come on over.
Alfredo Brown:I'm not They're on my team. That's hilarious, though.
Jagger May:Yo. I
Matthew Kopfhamer:love you. You're halfway. I get to claim you. This is I'm accepting you, Alfredo. I'm accepting you.
Alfredo Brown:Wait a
Matthew Kopfhamer:Come to my team. Blowing up that strategy.
Jagger May:Fuck. Yes.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Sorry, Sam. You're on your own.
Jagger May:I love it. This was good. Wait a What
Alfredo Brown:what makes me a character?
Matthew Kopfhamer:You're a host of podcast. Close enough.
Alfredo Brown:I'm a person.
Jagger May:Lies. I'm a person.
Alfredo Brown:I'm going full Anakin on you. I'm a person, and my name is Alfredo.
Matthew Kopfhamer:My dog's excited.
Alfredo Brown:He's super excited. Dude, what the hell, guys? I don't know. Okay.
Jagger May:Lilo is stitch in a stitch onesie.
Alfredo Brown:You You're a one of the dads.
Jagger May:You have Woody Crocs, And I don't I'm not
Alfredo Brown:My wife got them for me. They're super comfortable. Crocs?
Jagger May:My wife would never because she
Alfredo Brown:does I'm wearing them right now.
Matthew Kopfhamer:My gay shirt would allow
Alfredo Brown:Jesus Christ. Come on. You know you've
Matthew Kopfhamer:been on my team. Come on over, Alfredo.
Alfredo Brown:I don't Right? You know what? I'm gonna I'm gonna bring this before the council here. And it it if two out of three vote for me to go to the whites, unfortunately, that's where I'm gonna be stuck after this draft. Sam says, no.
Alfredo Brown:Vig, you're the deciding vote. Vig, are we keep the you you're gonna decide the sanctity of this draft, by the way.
Samantha Holt:He's not on the big board.
Alfredo Brown:Because if I'm available, that means Sam is available.
Matthew Kopfhamer:And cost
Alfredo Brown:me no. Are you are you going to let the white man keep claiming people and take them away? Vig. Alright. This is your choice.
Jagger May:I actually Look
Matthew Kopfhamer:at my pitch
Jagger May:right now because My my as a comedian wants to do this the plot.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I know. This is hilarious.
Jagger May:But my hatred for cough and the white man
Matthew Kopfhamer:makes me wanna take this away from you. No. For the bit. Do it for the bit.
Jagger May:Alright. Well I'm a black man Koff. Doesn't
Alfredo Brown:Oh, that's it. Nope. Thumbs down.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Thumbs down. I don't even have to make it easy. Okay.
Alfredo Brown:I'm not gonna lie, though. That was really funny.
Matthew Kopfhamer:That was hilarious. Almost had me. That was
Jagger May:really good.
Alfredo Brown:Koff, that's that's a top three joke that you've ever made.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I I told you, man. I was gonna blow up your strategy. Okay.
Jagger May:Fine. Alright.
Alfredo Brown:Now you gotta How
Jagger May:long have you had that in your back pocket? That's good.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Bro, I've been planning that for days.
Alfredo Brown:For days.
Jagger May:Alright. My
Matthew Kopfhamer:Have you done 23 and me?
Samantha Holt:I did my 23 and me either.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Far back. Alright. So my I guess my real pick then is gonna be Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, and that was a good pun.
Alfredo Brown:That's Okay.
Jagger May:That's two snipes in a row. I actually did have a strategy low key. That's fucked up. I'll trace you.
Alfredo Brown:Chad, you let the white woman blind you
Matthew Kopfhamer:from You should've
Alfredo Brown:let us I really do.
Jagger May:Stratus. For pussy. Like, like
Alfredo Brown:That's just sad. Alright. Let me do a quick recap, Koff, before you make your next pick.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Okay.
Alfredo Brown:Pick number one, Mary from sinners goes to the black delegation. Pick number two, Ahsoka Tano to the Latino delegation. Ang from Avatar. Pick three goes to the Asian delegation and pick four. The final pick of the round, Opter's prime
Matthew Kopfhamer:Alfredo Brown.
Alfredo Brown:Is now officially white.
Jagger May:You guys got Bumblebee. Come on now.
Alfredo Brown:Like, he's you guys got Bumblebee.
Jagger May:You got a whole ass movie that I'd I'd never watched and probably never Jack, you've
Alfredo Brown:got jazz.
Matthew Kopfhamer:And who knows? He died really quickly.
Alfredo Brown:And and those super racist microbots from, transformers two.
Jagger May:I actually like them, but turns out that was really racist. I feel like Talith Perry
Matthew Kopfhamer:was his characters.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Turns out. Alright, Koff. Pick five.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Alright. I'm gonna go with Vegeta. He gets stronger when he goes blonde. He hates everyone. He's powered by anger.
Matthew Kopfhamer:That's a white man. Oh, and he loves his Asian wife.
Jagger May:Actually, that's I can't argue with that.
Alfredo Brown:That's active. I can't fight this.
Jagger May:I feel like Dave Chappelle, like, do I know black people when he's
Matthew Kopfhamer:just like, that is a weirdly correct. It's like
Alfredo Brown:I'm slow key kinda cooking right now. I kinda thought you were gonna
Samantha Holt:go with an all robot draft, if I'm being honest.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. We definitely thought you were going for the t 1,000 in round one for some
Jagger May:forsake. That the racist one? The one that plays, peacemaker's dad?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yes. Robert Patrick.
Alfredo Brown:The one from Yeah. It is. T two.
Jagger May:Yeah. Yeah. We don't
Alfredo Brown:want
Jagger May:that.
Alfredo Brown:We don't want him. Can't lean into it that hard. Alright, Vic. You're back up with pick number six for the Asian delegation.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Alright, man. This one's easy. Taking Keanu Reeves, whether you want him as John Wick, whether you want Keanu Reeves as neo, iconic You gotta pick one. I don't care. We know.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:We're not we're not picking people. It's Keanu Reeves.
Matthew Kopfhamer:If he
Vignesh Doraiswamy:can get if he can get Stenfeld number one, I can take Keanu Reeves.
Alfredo Brown:Well, he picked he picked Mary from sinners.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. You know what I was
Vignesh Doraiswamy:really picking. We know what
Alfredo Brown:he was. It's just
Samantha Holt:so neo. Wait a sec.
Alfredo Brown:So now we're picking we're picking people. This Nope.
Matthew Kopfhamer:No. This is, like, this
Alfredo Brown:is the Spet Brothers meme where it's like, now
Matthew Kopfhamer:your draft scene's
Vignesh Doraiswamy:kinda fucked up.
Jagger May:Alright. Alright.
Alfredo Brown:John Wayne. No. Those are kinda fucked up.
Jagger May:You got John Wayne.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:No. No. Neo. Neo. We'll take Neo.
Alfredo Brown:But Neo. Gonna read this all.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:But as an actor and a human, isn't he, like, as an actor and a human, isn't he, like, just universally beloved? This guy, like, no one has anything bad to say about him. Anytime he pops up on Reddit, it's just, like, post after post about how he's like the best dude. Like I said, I'm going all wholesome for this right now. Yeah.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. He's been married for, like, two thirty woman?
Alfredo Brown:No. No. No. In a Hollywood low bar
Vignesh Doraiswamy:that we have. I We love you. I know. I know. It's such a low bar.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:But gotta love me some, Neil. Plus the movies, man. I'm again, I'm also not just making wholesome. I'm painting things that, like, were either iconic or played a big deal for me and many others. And those Matrix movies were just that movie was something else.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I remember being a kid watching that and being like, man, they can do that in movies with real people and not cartoons. Yes. I called them cartoons back then, Jagger. Get over it. But it was great, man.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:So, yeah, I'm gonna go with Keanu Reeves slash Neo before someone else tries to snipe him because I think he has like he has, like his race is part Chinese, part Hawaiian, part, Canadian. He's got early for MIT.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Since when is Canadian a race?
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Hey, Kirk. It's not. It's a joke.
Jagger May:It's it's a vibe. Greg.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Canadian vibe, though.
Alfredo Brown:We're technically drafting ethnicities, but let's not get into the specifics.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Yeah. I was gonna say I was gonna say
Alfredo Brown:As soon as we dissect it too much, it's from dramatic. Fucking Canadians.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:This whole draft.
Samantha Holt:We got the next pick. Right?
Alfredo Brown:This whole draft like,
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I can't believe we're doing this.
Alfredo Brown:I can't. Dang. I 100% can.
Samantha Holt:I can't. It's just for fun.
Alfredo Brown:Cross, like, my people have been doing this. I thought this was
Vignesh Doraiswamy:gonna be
Matthew Kopfhamer:an auction draft.
Alfredo Brown:Nope. Do you see? That that was way too far.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Too far.
Alfredo Brown:That was where we told you. There was way to be a line. Don't cross the You did it. We're only in round two. Chill out.
Samantha Holt:I know.
Alfredo Brown:Pick seven. The Latino delegation, Sam.
Samantha Holt:Yes. Alfredo, I think we were both kind of I I don't wanna say we're split on who we're gonna take number one, but we definitely had a strategy going into this on who are our top two picks if we could get them. So I'm gonna let you take this one because I'm very excited.
Alfredo Brown:And this pick, knew that if Jagger went a certain way with pick one zero one, we had to flip the script and go somewhere at pick two, which is why we went with Ahsoka, keep her away from Vig. Yeah. And now we're gonna do another pick here to keep this character away from Jagger. And we are selecting the Spider Man for the new generation. Miles Morales is officially Latino.
Alfredo Brown:Yes. I know. Yes. I am so excited to do this because now we have a legit Latino superhero that's not just, like, a funny punch line, like a like a blue beetle of, like, here's a bunch of Mexican jokes that kinda make you laugh throughout the movie. We've got a legit dope superhero, one of the most popular superheroes ever.
Alfredo Brown:And being of mixed ethnicity, the Latinos are gonna claim him here in this draft. Miles Morales. Okay. Number seven.
Jagger May:So so you wanted to go with somebody who George Lopez didn't write as a character.
Alfredo Brown:Exactly. Deep away. Exactly. Alright. Close out round two here, and then we'll do a quick recap.
Jagger May:I'm setting history right. All black people have known this since the nineties. Everyone has known this, but I'm codifying it in history right here. This is a big moment in anime. This is a big moment across the world.
Jagger May:I'm drafting Piccolo as my pick.
Alfredo Brown:Yes.
Jagger May:He is both powerful, and he is the prime example of being a good black man of being a good black man. You wanna talk about being wholesome? We are always the piece of shit deadbeat dad. Goku's the fuck beat here, and now Piccolo raised his son, made him a boss, didn't even didn't even sleep with his wife.
Alfredo Brown:A white child.
Jagger May:Think about yeah. A white child. He raised him. You know why Gohan was the best one? It's like because he was raised by a black dad, and he was a lot better at sports.
Jagger May:He got into some weird shit doing that captain's like, Saiyan man shit, but whatever. That wasn't on Piccolo then. He is the ultimate black father. Piccolo got him off the court.
Alfredo Brown:Had him out playing sports.
Jagger May:Yeah. Out there winning. You know, he taught him. He's like, here's how you throw a ball. Your dad will go teach you how to run fast like this.
Jagger May:He out there, you know, goofing off and fucking
Matthew Kopfhamer:Was it in heaven. I was just saying, wasn't Goku dead at this point? Like
Jagger May:Shouldn't have died. He should've like, he was so ready to die all the time. He the Goku never acted like he had a kid at home ever. He never thought about, oh, you know, I got Gohan. I better not die.
Jagger May:He he literally gave threw up the peace side. He said, bye, Gohan. I hope you don't have you don't need therapy. Alright. Now we're gonna
Vignesh Doraiswamy:though is that, Piccolo's actually the one who kills Goku and then takes care of his son.
Alfredo Brown:But, anyway, we won't talk. Don't make it weird.
Matthew Kopfhamer:You gotta do you gotta do sometimes. A metaphor. Vig, this
Jagger May:ain't your pick, dog. Just come on now. Like
Alfredo Brown:Alright. Let's do let's do a quick let's do a quick recap before Vig actually is another pick real quick here. At pick one, Black delegation goes with Mary from Sinners. At two, the Latinos go with Ahsoka Tano. Three, the Asians go with Aang from Avatar at four.
Alfredo Brown:The whites go with Optimus Prime from transformers. At five, the whites go with Vegeta from Dragon Ball. Sorry. Every time I say the whites, it makes me laugh. At six, Asians go with Neo from the matrix.
Alfredo Brown:At seven, the Latinos go with Miles Morales from Spider Man. And at eight, the black delegation goes with Piccolo from Dragon Ball. Jag, kickoff round number three here with the pick.
Jagger May:This is where I would've took Optimus Prime probably, right here. So I I'm sniping
Matthew Kopfhamer:It shouldn't have been horny.
Jagger May:Yeah. But yeah. But that that's kinda like a not a good look, you know, for us. So I was just
Alfredo Brown:Kinda not a good look.
Jagger May:You know, Megatron's very white coated, very January 6 vibes. You know? He's like, let's overthrow Cybertron so I can have the rock. You know? I'm just like, ow.
Alfredo Brown:Okay. You're right. Not a
Vignesh Doraiswamy:great look.
Matthew Kopfhamer:That is some that is some way
Alfredo Brown:to it. Not a great look.
Jagger May:Okay. I'm gonna do it, guys. I'm I I am gonna do the hot thing. I'm gonna claim Snape, y'all. I'm sorry.
Jagger May:I this is respect to Alan Rickman. I love Alan Rickman, but he Snape is if you actually think about it if you actually think about it, we just did a video on Harry Potter. He is one of the most inherently black characters in the book. It's gonna be real fucked up on screen, but Harry is a nepo baby from a rich family, and I would fucking hate him too if I was at Hogwarts. Like, like, real talk.
Jagger May:The this nigga Harry was just out of pocket doing bad shit all the time. And then Dumbledore is just like, you know what? Two points to the referendum. Yeah. Just like didn't even give a shit.
Jagger May:So, alright. Let's go give the Neppo baby some points over here while my ass been grinding over at Slytherin, Hufflepuff, or or or even Ravenclaw. I'll give him help. Fuck Harry Potter. Fuck Harry's dad too.
Jagger May:You gonna hang another student, black or white? That should have been an expulsion. I I mean, they expel kids for less shit these days here. I'm just sounds pretty fucked. You have a gang of rich white kids from old money out here bullying someone, bullying someone, calling them greasy hair.
Jagger May:This snake, we love you. We accept you. I would've done some dark magic too. I would've you know?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. You took Potter than the man.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. That's what's the scene.
Jagger May:So it's Snape. Sorry, white people. I
Alfredo Brown:love that. That's just gonna be the thumbnail. Sorry, white people.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Great
Alfredo Brown:pick. Wow. Okay. That's a strong strong inspired pick from Jack here, to start off round three. This is where I think it's gonna get interesting, because a lot of the more obvious ones have been taken.
Alfredo Brown:Sam, you and I are back up with pick number 10 here for the Latinos, and you had a pick that you wanted so bad that you were willing to take this character in round one and round two, and you have been waiting for the chance to take your girl. Yeah. Make the selection.
Samantha Holt:I'm gonna take my Amazon goddess warrior, Wonder Woman. Just gonna take her now so that no one else can take her. She is ours. You She is ours.
Matthew Kopfhamer:You can
Samantha Holt:Amazon woman, spicy woman. Let me go.
Jagger May:Are you sure? She's pretty white. She got the whole star spangled look. She she straight up shirked any Greek, any whatever. Diana of the mascara?
Matthew Kopfhamer:She likes bondage. That's a white woman thing.
Alfredo Brown:You know what? You know what? One one thing.
Jagger May:That's Koff Koff.
Alfredo Brown:You made it weird. My dad made it weird. Now That's a white eye.
Matthew Kopfhamer:If if this is
Alfredo Brown:a hero, a true woman made
Matthew Kopfhamer:it weird. Like, he baked
Alfredo Brown:that into
Matthew Kopfhamer:a character.
Jagger May:I'm gonna let y'all have it because Koff said that.
Matthew Kopfhamer:It get Times were horny.
Jagger May:Koff, you're making it you're making it so easy to root against you. You got the very wild. It's
Alfredo Brown:the
Samantha Holt:Thank you. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:Koff is the eyeball. It's just so easy to not like you right now, It's so easy. Alright. Wonder Woman is now officially Latino. And
Matthew Kopfhamer:Wonder Woman.
Alfredo Brown:You're up.
Samantha Holt:Wonder
Alfredo Brown:Nope. Cough. Cough. You gotta take you gotta sit the next couple picks out, man. You gotta sit the next couple picks out.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Vig picks his
Alfredo Brown:mic. You are up. Well, Vig, you're up. Pick 11 for the Asian delegation.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Alright. I am going with a character that is iconic in its own right. A character that has a lot of power if we wanted to talk about, like, power scaling in the universe. But also, I'm just gonna pick something that was really incredible to watch on television as a as a brown man, and it's gonna be miss Marvel and brown man, and it's gonna be miss Marvel and Kamala Khan. Not just because my sister who all you know, she she did some of the music.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Like, her name's on the credits of every single episode, which is kind of like a nice personal touch for me too. But it was really something else to be able to watch that on television. I know I'm being boring. I'm not really picking these, like
Matthew Kopfhamer:That's
Vignesh Doraiswamy:a ambiguous characters, but, you know, that was
Alfredo Brown:really That's gonna be my question on TV. Yeah. Before before you, you know, hit us with this, I'm sure, a really good monologue. Is there any question about her ethnicity, though?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Doesn't she have a secret identity when she's Ms. Marvel? So Oh, white one?
Alfredo Brown:Like, what are I don't
Matthew Kopfhamer:I'm just saying
Alfredo Brown:that. Don't understand.
Matthew Kopfhamer:No one knows who her
Alfredo Brown:name is. Thought it was pretty set that she is she is on team Asia Like, is this Yeah. You gotta go right there. Just you got options. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:Like, I don't no one I don't think anyone else here can actually lay claim to this character.
Jagger May:I wasn't sure.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I wasn't sure. I thought Koff would make something up. I see, look at Koff's face right there.
Alfredo Brown:Look at him right there.
Jagger May:Koff is like, Koff, you weren't going
Matthew Kopfhamer:to make an argument.
Jagger May:You could
Vignesh Doraiswamy:make an argument. You
Alfredo Brown:weren't going to.
Matthew Kopfhamer:It wouldn't be a good one, but I can make an argument.
Alfredo Brown:Like like, Big, I almost wanna give you the value here that think this this character's already on your team. I don't I don't know that
Vignesh Doraiswamy:you need fight for this roster. Don't know, man.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I say let him out.
Samantha Holt:Point is big.
Alfredo Brown:Oh, no.
Jagger May:Cough will allow it.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Not bad thing.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Yeah. Was gonna say cough will allow it.
Alfredo Brown:I don't know. See, I thought there I thought there could
Vignesh Doraiswamy:be an argument to be made that someone would try to but I don't know. Does everybody agree? Is, is miss Marble? Like,
Alfredo Brown:is anyone gonna push my team? Yeah. Like, she's hard liking it.
Jagger May:Like, she's borderline a captain on your team, one of them.
Matthew Kopfhamer:You know? In this in the Chappelle show, they let the Latinos pick Elian Gonzalez, and he's already
Jagger May:But you had to trade for a reason for that. Like, there's no reason for like like, Kamala is a proud you you know, like like, is she Pakistani?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Pakistani?
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Yeah. I'm proud of Pakistan.
Jagger May:Yeah. Like like like, proud Pakistani. But one thing if she was, like, on some, what's her name? Like, Kristi Noem, whatever the fuck her name is. What it listen.
Jagger May:You know what I'm talking about. You know? Some, some vivic shit, whatever his name is. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:I don't I don't I don't I don't know if this even needs to be a pick, Vic. I think that she is, like
Matthew Kopfhamer:Lot of mices picked.
Alfredo Brown:On your squad.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Alright. Well, that makes it makes things a little bit easier then. In that case, I'm gonna go, like, really, really out of left field that no one I don't I don't even know that I need to fight for this one, but I just think this is a great character from a really great movie that I don't think was on anyone's big board anywhere, but I'm going with Russell from up. Great movie.
Alfredo Brown:He's just adventurous. Power. Brings joy everywhere he goes.
Samantha Holt:Almost got it.
Matthew Kopfhamer:This is Is that jazz
Alfredo Brown:bitch? Incredible. What was
Matthew Kopfhamer:that? Yes.
Alfredo Brown:My name is Russell.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Nobody hates Russell.
Alfredo Brown:Good. Everybody hates Russell, but nobody hates This is so good.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Same same issue as Kamala Khan. I thought Russell was very obviously Asian.
Alfredo Brown:He looks mixed.
Jagger May:He looks he looks as high as he what?
Alfredo Brown:He looks mixed. He there's picks
Matthew Kopfhamer:picks are,
Alfredo Brown:know, they've got something shisty going on there.
Matthew Kopfhamer:There's there's
Alfredo Brown:a little of white claim to Russell for sure.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Vic's got the most hufflepuff ass roster out there just like I said,
Alfredo Brown:I am going I'm going fully wholesome.
Samantha Holt:Cute and cuddly. Cute and cuddly.
Alfredo Brown:Look, man. I'm not getting a
Vignesh Doraiswamy:lot of sleep these days. Like, I had this I I just need a lot of wholesome content in my life, and that's what I'm going for here. And I just thought, Russell's a great
Jagger May:New gun race still on the board.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Does that my
Jagger May:eye? You got the
Matthew Kopfhamer:you got the
Jagger May:whole separatist trade federation on the board. You're just like, no, Russell.
Alfredo Brown:Nope. I'm avoiding all of them.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:That is anti wholesome. Anti wholesome there.
Alfredo Brown:Oh my
Matthew Kopfhamer:god. It wasn't for a new gun rate, Anakin would still be in slavery. So, you know, there's there's there's a viewpoint.
Alfredo Brown:Do less cough.
Jagger May:You got lightning McQueen cough. You got I know you're
Matthew Kopfhamer:Alright. Well, close. I'll pick
Alfredo Brown:that up. Let's move on.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I pick Iron Giant, the robot.
Alfredo Brown:Okay.
Matthew Kopfhamer:That's wholesome. So he comes from another
Samantha Holt:Back to robot.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Comes from another world. He was initially sent here to destroy the world, but he, you know, he found a white kid who made him realize that humans aren't so bad, and he should be a hero inside of a villain. So there you go. And then for do you wanna do a do you wanna do a recap?
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Let's do a quick let's do a quick recap. Pick one. Black delegation goes with Mary from sinners. Two, Ahsoka Tano is now Latino.
Alfredo Brown:Three, Aang is now officially Asian. Four, Optimus Prime is white. Boo. Vegeta is now white. Six, Neo, officially Asian.
Alfredo Brown:Seven, Miles Morales, officially Latino. Boo. At eight, Piccolo. We always knew this, but now he's officially black. At nine, sorry, whites.
Alfredo Brown:Snape is black. At 10, Wonder Woman now officially a Latina. 11, Russell from up is Asian, and at 12 to close out the round. The iron giant is white. So that happened.
Alfredo Brown:Let's get to round number four. These are the final four picks of this draft. And We got
Jagger May:room for another round. Like, we're actually
Alfredo Brown:kinda Do we wanna do another round? Yeah. I think we got time. Yeah. I think we got okay.
Alfredo Brown:Well, let's make these picks quick. Let's make these picks quick.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Cough, you're up.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Alright. Shit. I had one to close out. Fuck it. I'll do it anyway.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I'm gonna go with the one, the only Mickey Mouse, the house of mouse boss. He is if you've seen South Park episode, he is greedy as shit, which that's super white. So I'm going with Mickey Mouse.
Jagger May:I love that you're trying to do you're making a concerted PR effort to make the the whites look good.
Alfredo Brown:Villainized.
Jagger May:Yeah. Which is this
Matthew Kopfhamer:is kinda like what, like, Saudi
Jagger May:Arabia's this is like what Saudi Arabia's doing with, like, goth and shit like that. It's just like, like, we don't do genocide. You know? Look at Mickey Mouse.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I mean, I did pick Vegeta, so, you know That's true. Some villainous. But he had a If anything he
Jagger May:Vegeta, almost black. He was a monkey in slavery. So, like, I could make a trade. You know?
Alfredo Brown:That's nuts. That's It
Jagger May:is, though. It is. Like, it's it is factually accurate. He was enslaved
Matthew Kopfhamer:Vegeta, though. If you want Vegeta, I want Mary back.
Alfredo Brown:Are we seeing a trade? Are we seeing a trade happening?
Jagger May:Back? No. Get the get fucked. I I got other
Alfredo Brown:saying, dog. That's cough requesting M and M.
Jagger May:Yeah. I I'm okay with rat it to Napa if I need to.
Matthew Kopfhamer:You know, Goku's right there. Right? Mad
Jagger May:father. It'd be
Alfredo Brown:weird having him to go
Matthew Kopfhamer:pick all this.
Alfredo Brown:Wow. Wow. Hilarious. Alright. 14, Asian delegation to back up.
Alfredo Brown:Big, go ahead. Pick Mulan. Well, do you I want I mean, is there is there any is there
Vignesh Doraiswamy:any actual debate there? Do we have a debate?
Samantha Holt:It's done. There's no debate. That was the joke.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I wanted to make sure because it was not on my big board,
Matthew Kopfhamer:but you have
Vignesh Doraiswamy:to think about it, baby, you know? Oh, man.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Anymore. He's gonna pick the dragon
Jagger May:from Rey and the last dragon. Oh, that's
Alfredo Brown:a good one, man. That's a
Vignesh Doraiswamy:really good one. Isn't that dragon played by Aquafina?
Jagger May:Yeah. You don't want that dragon. I'll pick the pick pick the black
Alfredo Brown:power ranger.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:No. I'm picking Luke Skywalker.
Matthew Kopfhamer:What? What? What? What? Hey.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Luke Skywalker. What?
Alfredo Brown:We gotta hear this. We gotta hear this. Gotta hear this because I I got a feeling something good is gonna come of this.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:No. There's nothing good coming from this.
Jagger May:We just got downvoted into oblivion. You can't touch. You can't that's that is legitimately the
Alfredo Brown:The white savior of all white saviors. You just claim Jesus.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Is this racist if I if I protest?
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Can I draft?
Alfredo Brown:I wanna hear this. Protestants. Listen. I think I think there's a case for every single city here for Luke Skywalker, so I wanna hear this.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Luke is the antidote.
Jagger May:Got one. He is very white.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Look at his anger and I have him walking around.
Jagger May:Homey would get robbed so quick. Wow.
Alfredo Brown:Wow. Vic, I I gotta hear this. Yeah. I gotta hear this.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Man. I'm sorry, Alfred. I'm gonna disappoint you. I, like, thought about the slot. I actually tried to, like, come up with what cases could I make for Luke Skywalker just to make this
Alfredo Brown:a really
Vignesh Doraiswamy:fun fun thing. And there isn't really a great case, which is the case I wanna pick.
Alfredo Brown:What are we doing?
Matthew Kopfhamer:You don't get to pick him.
Alfredo Brown:What are we doing?
Matthew Kopfhamer:That's against the rules.
Samantha Holt:Keep away from cuff.
Alfredo Brown:That's a good rule.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:The case is really just the case is really just his name. His last name
Alfredo Brown:is
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Skywalker, and that is, like, the most
Matthew Kopfhamer:Asian? It could be native American.
Alfredo Brown:Totally could
Matthew Kopfhamer:be. Respect the rules, Vegas.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Where did Lucan and Teddy Native
Alfredo Brown:Americans come from you, man?
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Africa. The the very Everyone came from Africa. Well, everyone came from Africa.
Jagger May:That's very good. Me some Pangaea type shit right now in a time like this?
Alfredo Brown:Big round four. Big's like, select
Matthew Kopfhamer:Vito. Vito.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I no. Honestly, I just I just, I just
Alfredo Brown:said Yeah. Your reasoning was not good. I think I think I'm gonna
Jagger May:No. Had to bring this before the council?
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Buy myself some time because I wasn't ready Wasn't ready for my pick. My big board's been all messed up. I didn't expect Ashoka Tano to disappear that early. I cannot believe that.
Alfredo Brown:You never knew us at all.
Samantha Holt:Do you you don't
Vignesh Doraiswamy:you don't even know. I knew you. I just didn't think it would happen. I thought maybe Sam would convince you otherwise, but it looks like you
Alfredo Brown:I don't see what you're big.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yoda, you could have picked Grogu.
Samantha Holt:No argument.
Alfredo Brown:Easy. Easy. Easy. Easy.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Vic. Fight you.
Alfredo Brown:Vic, what is your pick here? What is your pick here? Let's let's stop screwing around. What is your pick here?
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Alright. Yoda was gonna be who I wanted to close everything out with. So Yoda was gonna be my round pick now. Yoda was gonna be the pick right here, and I was trying to, like, stall for time.
Alfredo Brown:Like, I'm gonna see.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I'm making my pick. What are you doing?
Alfredo Brown:He's green. We all draft him. Yoda.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Yeah. Yo no. Not at all. That's true. Yoda is
Alfredo Brown:around corner.
Jagger May:He could be black.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Master Yoda.
Alfredo Brown:Listen. He's short, speaks in broken English. He could be Latino. There's a lot of there's a lot of cases here.
Matthew Kopfhamer:He hates technology. Yeah. Short. He's the bar
Alfredo Brown:too. Okay.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Master Yoda was my original pick for number four if he made it to my round.
Matthew Kopfhamer:There you go. That's just the legit pick.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:It's Yoda. Right there. Fucking hell. Then I'll I'll write her a better argument to convince y'all that Luke Skywalker's mine in Luke in round four.
Jagger May:You failed. It was horrible. Like, I couldn't even give you one.
Alfredo Brown:We do not grant you the title of master.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. If you had picked Anakin, you would've had a better argument. Like, Anakin sounds Asian. Shit. I would've given you that.
Jagger May:Hey. I don't know. Dee does not present.
Alfredo Brown:I think
Samantha Holt:Yoda Yoda's a great pick.
Matthew Kopfhamer:It is great.
Alfredo Brown:Yoda's a
Vignesh Doraiswamy:great pick. Yoda's how I was gonna conclude this because I felt like I had to have a Star Wars character if I didn't get Ashoka Tano, but I really thought I would
Alfredo Brown:get Ashoka Tano.
Jagger May:I just trade for Ahsoka. I'll give you Jar Jar. No.
Alfredo Brown:You wanna drop Jar Jar.
Samantha Holt:You can't make a trade for a player you didn't take.
Alfredo Brown:I will
Jagger May:I will give you no. I mean, who I think he's ours. Right? He's our little fucker.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Jar Jar is definitely
Alfredo Brown:yours. Exactly. Fuck that. George Lucas made sure
Vignesh Doraiswamy:of that.
Jagger May:George George Lucas is very intentional. So, like, you guys could get Jar Jar, and we'll take I'll take Ahsoka, and you get Jar Jar in my next pick. There's a lot on the board there. You know?
Alfredo Brown:No. What is Churchill?
Jagger May:He's a rep he's he's a he's a a senator or yeah.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Not anymore. He's a street fan now. No.
Alfredo Brown:Alright. Next pick here. Pick 15.
Samantha Holt:Our
Alfredo Brown:pick. The Latino delegation is back up. And you know what? Star Wars just has so many characters that could fall under the the classification of Latino. Sam, this is a pick, another pick that you've wanted heavily throughout this draft.
Alfredo Brown:I'm gonna let you make this selection.
Samantha Holt:We're taking Chewbacca.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Oh, you sons of bitches.
Alfredo Brown:That sons
Matthew Kopfhamer:of bitches.
Alfredo Brown:Just because obviously.
Samantha Holt:Because obviously, he rolls his r's and his He rolls his r's and his nickname is Chewy. Come on.
Alfredo Brown:He is Latino. He's loud. He's hairy. There's not a there's not another Latino man that you could find that's not a loud, hairy, r rolling son of a bitch. Chewy.
Samantha Holt:Also a best friend.
Alfredo Brown:He's a really good homie. Yeah.
Samantha Holt:He's He's a really good homie.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Really good right hand.
Samantha Holt:He's looking
Matthew Kopfhamer:very upset.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. You should be, Carl. Go go draft the fucking Iron Giant again.
Matthew Kopfhamer:It's a great fucking thing.
Alfredo Brown:You bought a
Matthew Kopfhamer:is an allegory for Superman. Right? So fuck you.
Alfredo Brown:Alright. Jack, finish us off here in the round. You got back to back picks. We'll we'll skip the we'll skip the recap here. Okay.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah.
Jagger May:Alright. I'm gonna sorry, white folks. This is another one. Very iconic. It's master chief.
Jagger May:He's ours now, guys.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Oh, shit. Okay. Okay. Alright. Fair enough.
Alfredo Brown:Do you
Jagger May:wanna talk about
Matthew Kopfhamer:He is too stare He's too cool to be white. I'll give you that.
Jagger May:Too cool, stereotypical, strong black sergeant. You know, they sending him into the front lines, not even giving a fuck about his health. They're like, here's this robot that's gonna bitch in the air the whole time. Good luck, homie. Hope he finds some weapons along the way, master chief.
Jagger May:Now for my next one, I'm actually we need some money. I'm I'm bringing in money for the black delegation straight up. Like, the the there's no black power. There's maybe a little bit of risk. I'm taking Lex Luthor.
Jagger May:I'm not talking about some Nicholas Hole little twink shit. I'm talking about DCAU. DCAU animated Clancy Brown. That dude the home homeboy was black. Let's just say what it is.
Jagger May:Yeah. Homeboy was black.
Alfredo Brown:He was.
Jagger May:That that'll be my last pick there. We're taking Lex Luthor. You guys can borrow him for James Gunn. But, like Also,
Alfredo Brown:Lex is not a white man name.
Jagger May:No. That is not. That is not the Lexington name? Yeah. But you're going by Lex?
Jagger May:You're gonna go by Lexington? Like, I would make my white friend go by Lexington. I was like, you're not a Lex, bro.
Alfredo Brown:Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Alright. I like that one. Man, we got a lot from the DC universe and Star Wars universe here.
Alfredo Brown:And the Latino delegation's back up again with pick 18.
Samantha Holt:Yes.
Alfredo Brown:I'm not gonna lie. I've been fighting for this draft pick for a while, Sam.
Samantha Holt:We were going back and in text for a while, and I was like, I need to hear the argument. But, Alfredo, I do like your argument, so go ahead and take your guy. He was a wild card. I'll give you that.
Alfredo Brown:Pun intended. Pick 18. The Latino delegation selects the Joker, and I'm gonna tell you why. One, never gonna catch a white man in a purple suit out there committing crimes. Just not gonna happen.
Alfredo Brown:Two, the very ever iteration of the Joker on screen was played by a Latino man, Cesar Romero. And then even Cesar? Cesar Romero. Okay.
Jagger May:Let's say it's like, you sure he's not Italian? No. No.
Alfredo Brown:No. No. And even now, Joaquin Phoenix, he's not inherently Latino. Born in Puerto Rico. So the Joker officially a Latino man will claim him.
Alfredo Brown:I know it's not good for the rep, but we're gonna claim him.
Jagger May:I suppose to say, like, what what what is your agenda here? Because he is like
Alfredo Brown:This is this is just a major character.
Jagger May:Did you guys meet him in a festival? Character.
Alfredo Brown:So wait. I think has a more notable character on the list outside of maybe Mickey Mouse?
Samantha Holt:He keeps it spicy.
Alfredo Brown:Other than the Joker.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Yoda. Piccolo. Neo from the Mickey. Piccolo is like a side character. I'm happy with
Alfredo Brown:her team. I would I would say the most notable characters on this list, Mickey Mouse, then the joker, maybe maybe Yoda after that.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Maybe Yoda. Okay.
Jagger May:Well, can we do another round so I can draft the school shooter? Yeah. I know. My
Alfredo Brown:god. Goddamn. He's an equal opportunity shooter. Okay? He doesn't just do school.
Jagger May:He'll do a hospital too. So Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Yeah. And and you know what? Every iteration of the Joker since then, they've tried to make him what they had the Heath Ledger version that was really white. And then I don't know what Jared Leto was doing where he was like a white man that thought he might have been black, and it was just it was very confusing for all of us.
Alfredo Brown:So you know what? Let's let's keep the Joker Latino. Let's bring him back to his roots.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Okay. I'm
Jagger May:I guess I have to allow it. I don't know.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Alright. Viggy Ployde, your last pick.
Alfredo Brown:Asian. My last off
Vignesh Doraiswamy:so off, I I'm not gonna pick Luke Skywalker again. But I I but Luke Skywalker, if you think about it, all jokes aside very quickly, I will just say, Luke's entire story arc is, like, very reminiscent of Japanese Jidai Geki, those, like, period dramas, and people have talked about how
Matthew Kopfhamer:the name
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Jidai even come from that. And,
Alfredo Brown:I don't care, Kyle. I'm like, we'll
Vignesh Doraiswamy:finish this. His entire his entire story arc of this humble student who really trains under this wise masters of Yoda and Obi Wan. All of that is
Matthew Kopfhamer:very That's great.
Alfredo Brown:He's white. But I
Vignesh Doraiswamy:am taking Just just pick Chris up for lunch
Alfredo Brown:hour and let's move on.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Woah. I got Gandalf for
Matthew Kopfhamer:the brown
Alfredo Brown:for rush hour, and let's move on.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Woah. I got Gandalf Brown for us. His name, off, is the brown. What more do you need for a brown man? But also Gandalf in general.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Gandalf's your pick?
Alfredo Brown:Gandalf? Yes. Which do I pick? Gandalf is my
Jagger May:pick. Why do you do this now?
Alfredo Brown:What are
Matthew Kopfhamer:we Why do we What
Jagger May:are we doing? I
Alfredo Brown:mean, listen to
Vignesh Doraiswamy:my argument for this. Alright? The entire character of Gandalf is literally the story of these, like, Taoist immortals and Bodhi Darmazi's travelers who arrive from distant times and lands and guide others through their, like, wisdom and moral clarity. And I wanted a lord of the rings character, and there's no one else that was remotely Asian. So fight me.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Elves. They're very Asian. Fight me, though.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I've gained no fine. Whatever. I have
Vignesh Doraiswamy:yeah. No. The elves are, you know, they're flowy robes. I thought about the elves, but I don't know, man. They're, like, made to be a little too too white if you look at all they look like.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:But Gandalf Brown's in his name. I'm gonna keep him. He's he's ours.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Gandalf the
Vignesh Doraiswamy:But not brown?
Matthew Kopfhamer:I thought
Jagger May:that he was
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Gandalf the brown.
Jagger May:And then
Vignesh Doraiswamy:He becomes Gandalf the white leader.
Alfredo Brown:On this. What is the gray?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. Was that I'm not
Alfredo Brown:gonna fight hard on this.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Radagast is the brown.
Alfredo Brown:What are
Matthew Kopfhamer:you talking about?
Vignesh Doraiswamy:We've I know he has every single I was waiting for someone to actually say that. Radagast I
Alfredo Brown:thought I thought you were saying there was, like, a literal translation
Vignesh Doraiswamy:No.
Alfredo Brown:There's the word Gandalf.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Guess the brown Gandalf
Alfredo Brown:So you're just full of shit. Every pick here, you're full of shit.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:No. Even without that, though, the story makes sense. I made I made a bunch of
Alfredo Brown:other arguments
Vignesh Doraiswamy:for why he's a representative.
Jagger May:He's the one white lady.
Alfredo Brown:He's just out here making Asian parables for every character and just trying to make the dots connect from three miles away.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:That is what I'm trying to do. I you know, that that meme of, all the math comp calculations and everything going on.
Alfredo Brown:It is it is routing us around. I realized that, like, two seconds before I made my pick, and I like, you know what? I'm too deep. I'm just gonna go. Want Gandalf.
Alfredo Brown:Surprised you weren't like, you know what? We're picking Elmo
Jagger May:talking about.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:No. No. No. It's not. No.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I'm taking Gandalf for the story and the parables.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I don't
Vignesh Doraiswamy:care if he's not the brown and he's gray, but that's okay.
Jagger May:You know what?
Vignesh Doraiswamy:We all turn gray.
Jagger May:So let's just give let's just you could have fondle
Matthew Kopfhamer:of Naga,
Jagger May:and we're gonna call it. Okay? Hand off
Alfredo Brown:the ashy. Oh my god. Okay. Make a
Samantha Holt:pick, Koff.
Alfredo Brown:Alright. Koff, last pick of the draft here. Pick 20. Moose Jorah.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Relevant. Let's see. You know what? You guys made a joke earlier. I'm gonna stick with it.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I'm going Thanos. Earlier, I'm gonna stick with it. I'm going Thanos. You may be purple, but he wants to instead of increasing all of the, you know, resources, like, let's kill half the universe because that makes more sense. Let's cut funding for things instead of, you know, funding social programs.
Jagger May:Very white character. I have no argument. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Looks like a ball set. Millie Madison. Like, we we or no. It was old school.
Alfredo Brown:Like, we we have no retort. That was perfect.
Jagger May:Yeah. Exactly. Very white coated. Surprised his name
Matthew Kopfhamer:was Genocitomaniac.
Jagger May:Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:He he tries he tries to be a white savior by going around adopting children of color.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Mhmm. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry about that part.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Yeah. Thanos is white. Damn. Yeah.
Jagger May:Yeah. Well, hella,
Alfredo Brown:guys. Coffee. You Might
Jagger May:as well talk ghettos. No.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Don't feel good about it. Sure.
Alfredo Brown:Alright.
Jagger May:Well, we did it. Till next year, guys.
Alfredo Brown:We did it. Yeah. We're gonna we're gonna make this annual thing. This was fun. This was so fun, man.
Alfredo Brown:Let's let's do the recap. Let's do the recap. All five rounds here. Let's do this. We're gonna do this by team.
Alfredo Brown:Okay?
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I lost so bad. There
Jagger May:we know. Aware.
Alfredo Brown:We're aware, Fae. Fucking hand knuckle from up in the round. What are we doing? I promise you. We could have done this draft we could have done this episode for six years, and nobody would have gotten him.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Plus, I know. I know.
Alfredo Brown:From Reach.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Luke Skywalk. What are we doing here? Alright.
Alfredo Brown:Let's take out the content, though. Alright.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Look. Let's do this. I'm never the funny guy. I'm not doing stupid stuff. I gotta try to
Alfredo Brown:help you, man. More than made up for that today. I really was stupid.
Jagger May:Recap. Let's get us out of here.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Let's go. Alright. So for the black delegation, in round one, they select Mary from sinners. Round two, Piccolo from Dragon Ball.
Alfredo Brown:Round three, Snape from Harry Potter. Round four, master chief from Halo. And round five, Lex Luthor from DC.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Solid team.
Samantha Holt:That's that's
Alfredo Brown:a guy.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Solid fucking game. Dropping.
Alfredo Brown:The Latino delegation. Round one, we go Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars. Round two, Miles Morales from Spider Man. Round three, Wonder Woman from DC. Round four, we went with Chewbacca from Star Wars.
Alfredo Brown:And round five, the Joker from DC. Meh. The Asian telegram. Round one. They went with Aang.
Alfredo Brown:Okay.
Jagger May:That's good. Strong. Started strong.
Alfredo Brown:Strong start. Yeah. It's it's the it's the meme of horse, the flaming horse that just turns into the drawing. Fuck you. But I
Vignesh Doraiswamy:got Yoda in the round.
Jagger May:That's that's true value. You almost
Alfredo Brown:dunned. Almost dunned. It's it's so true. Round two, Neo. Round three,
Matthew Kopfhamer:fuck it.
Alfredo Brown:Russell from Up. Russell from Up is the worst pick of the draft. Wow. I'm just gonna say it. I'm just gonna say it.
Alfredo Brown:That's so hurtful.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:Why would you do that to that 40?
Alfredo Brown:That is so It's not even gross. It's the worst. We could have done a 47 round draft, and that's when you could have taken a Russell for something.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I even knew it game.
Alfredo Brown:Got round four, Yoda, and then round five, for some reason, Gandalf, now Asian. Alright.
Jagger May:It's so funny.
Alfredo Brown:The whites well, round one, Optimus Prime. Two, Vegeta. Round three, the iron giant. Round four, Mickey Mouse. Round five, Thanos.
Alfredo Brown:Solid team. Controlling motherfuckers on that team. Solid team. White team.
Matthew Kopfhamer:You could have been a part
Jagger May:of that team.
Alfredo Brown:You you could have been a
Matthew Kopfhamer:part of that team, Alfredo.
Alfredo Brown:I I I'm gonna be a training camp holdout, my guy.
Vignesh Doraiswamy:I will not be showing up at camp.
Jagger May:Alfredo Brown holdout for OTAs. Yeah.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I would've gotten you with a fifth year option too. Man.
Alfredo Brown:Well, this is where we're gonna let you guys decide. Those of you that have watched, listened. If you're listening on the podcast platforms, leave a review with who you think won this draft, who had the best racial draft here today. If you're watching on YouTube, drop a comment down below with who had the best draft here. And then we're also gonna be posting this up on the socials where you guys can let us know who had the best selections here today.
Alfredo Brown:This is a ton of fun. We're gonna be back again, next week. And, guys, we got a bunch of cool stuff that's gonna be coming up. We're gonna be doing a lot of a lot of talk about some of the best movies franchises of all time. We're going to we got some really big summer blockbusters coming up with Jurassic World Rebirth, Superman, Fantastic Four.
Alfredo Brown:Can be doing a lot of talk around those things, and there's there's so much coming up in these universes that we love so much. And, as always, I wanna thank everybody for watching and listening all the way through for myself, for Sam, for Jagger, for Vig. Not you, Koff. I'm just kidding. And for Koff.
Alfredo Brown:We love you guys. We'll see you next time. Adios.
