On today's episode of the UnBinged podcast, we're giving you our spoiler free review of the movie Thunderbolts, and we're gonna answer the questions. Is this movie deserving of all the hype that it's getting from critics and audiences so far? Where does this rank amongst the phase five MCU films? And, well, it it's obligatory at this point. We have to ask this every single time.
Alfredo Brown:Is Marvel back? All that and more on an all new episode of Unvenged starting now. Alright, guys. I wanna start off with this question because we all saw this film within the past couple days here. Jack, I wanna start with you.
Alfredo Brown:Because I don't know. I feel like you're typically the most cynical out of us when it comes to the Marvel stuff. Like, you're you're you're just done with this shit. Did this hit for you? Did did did did it did it work this time around?
Jagger May:It hit. I was in the theater like Don Draper, ready to be a complete bitch about this film, and then I just sat there like a little kid and enjoyed it the entire time. I wanna say that we back, man. If they keep doing this, if they find this formula of, like, let's just make good movies, and then the Marvel of it all will work out. Like and I'm not saying they're gonna abandon MCU, but what it what I really loved is I didn't feel like I was watching an MCU movie because they've they've they definitely got very campy and formulaic, and this didn't feel like that.
Jagger May:I was absolutely fucking hyped, and I haven't left a Marvel movie wanting to, like, run it back in a long time, and that's exactly how I felt with this movie.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. I definitely agree. I I think this definitely ranks in the top, like, two of the last phase, what, five we're in movies. Oh, we're gonna get it.
Alfredo Brown:Endgame. Sure.
Jagger May:It's let's go back to phase four. That was let's not get on let's not forget that. Like, it's best since, I think, Endgame.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Second set. It's it's one of. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
Alfredo Brown:So we can well, let's listen to that. What what ranks ahead of this, then, Koff, since since Endgame?
Matthew Kopfhamer:For me, Guardians three. Guardians is one. Three Guardians one. What about of a trilogy. No way home is probably four.
Matthew Kopfhamer:So I'd probably go guardians three, then I would go thunderbolts, then I'd go deadpool wolverine, then I would go no way home. I would I would
Jagger May:would tie No Way Home and Deadpool and Wolverine because they're different kinds of movies. Does that make sense?
Matthew Kopfhamer:They're different kinds of nostalgia. Yeah.
Jagger May:Yeah. Like, I consider Deadpool. Nostalgia bait. Yeah. It's like, to me, it's like comping stepbrothers to, like, a Star Wars movie.
Jagger May:You know? It's like, I don't how do I even compare them? And I know that's crazy. They're both MCU. It's just stylistic for me, but I agree with that cough.
Jagger May:Like, Guardians of Galaxy three was like Toy Story three for us. You know? Like like, we were closing a book. Thunderbolts was great, but it never even had a chance to, like, top that. Just but I feel like I'm not going to miss Guardians so hard because they gave me those same feels and not even just a rip off.
Jagger May:It gave me those same feels with Thunderbolts.
Alfredo Brown:Take notes, DC. This is how you do a Suicide Squad. Like, this was this was it.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yes. Absolutely. This is the perfect formula for a team up movie where we've seen it. We've seen the evolution from Avengers one, the Guardians original film to this one. They've they've really nailed those team up movies of characters coming from separate backgrounds.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Maybe their adversary their the adversaries to each other at the beginning, but they find common ground. They come together. There's some heart. In this case, a lot of heart. There's some comedy.
Matthew Kopfhamer:There's some drama. I mean, this was just a a fantastic example of when Marvel is singing and hitting the right notes that they they are top notch. So if you have not seen this in theaters yet, do it. That
Alfredo Brown:was gonna be my next question. That was gonna be my next question here is because the the theater that I went to was a little empty, but that's just because the the city that I moved to here, not a lot of people go into the theater. Is this a film that is worth the trip to the theater? Because I think so many people have lost their faith in Marvel that they're saying, I'll just wait for dis for it to come out on Disney plus. Jack, that's how you were with Captain America Brave New World.
Alfredo Brown:And that was just, you know, it it was a hot ring of garbage. Right?
Jagger May:Yeah. Was right as it turns out.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. And, like, so you have to ask that question. It's like, alright. Is this gonna be worth it for me to go? Guys, cough.
Alfredo Brown:Is it worth it?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yes. Yeah. In my opinion, it's worth it multiple times even.
Jagger May:Yeah. I'm gonna go see it
Matthew Kopfhamer:a second, possibly a third time. Yeah.
Jagger May:I told Amy. She's like, you're gonna go watch this by yourself. And I'm like, none of a lot of the my friends here don't aren't aren't in the MCU or they have fallen off. And I was like, you're not here. So and you're kinda falling off, and you're kinda doing this to support me, so I'm gonna go watch it.
Jagger May:And then when I left, I was just like, we're gonna go watch this movie again. You're going to enjoy it. And one thing that I will say about this, if you have fallen off the MCU, I feel like where you fell off at is fine. Like, you know, you like, you you can go watch Guardians three. I have not watched Marvel's.
Jagger May:I have not watched Brave New World. I it it did nothing for me to to not see that. It didn't detract from the quality of the at all.
Matthew Kopfhamer:To it.
Jagger May:And that's the key that I think Marvel needs to do now. And Alfredo even told us this. Kevin Feige even sees it. There's fatigue because of the homework that is involved, and that is difficult sometimes to do. And I don't feel like you needed a lot of homework because you've they pulled characters.
Jagger May:I mean, ghost was back in '2, like, 02/2018. That's a long fucking time ago in movie time.
Alfredo Brown:And From a relatively minor movie.
Jagger May:Yeah. That's what
Alfredo Brown:I'm saying. Wasp.
Matthew Kopfhamer:And Ant Man two Ant Man yeah. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:And this is what's cool
Jagger May:too is they pulled characters that we don't give a fuck about. Everyone I know you were supposed to hate John Walker, but we, like, hated John Walker. Like, it wasn't like you hate him like you're supposed to hate a wrestler. We're just like, dude, fuck Wyatt Russell, that Nepo baby. And, like, what they did with him here, I'm like, oh, yeah.
Jagger May:I'm I'm weighing on US agent. I love fucking himbo Captain America. Was
Alfredo Brown:so good
Jagger May:in this movie.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Man. Him and Bob him and Bob playing off each other is fantastic. Dude, it was so good.
Jagger May:He he reminded me of, Billy Magnuson and USS Callisters. You're the complete fucking idiot.
Alfredo Brown:Dude, the
Matthew Kopfhamer:Just give me something to do.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. John the John Walker character is to me, he's, our guy oh my god. The villain from the first karate kid movie. Billy Zabka's
Jagger May:Oh, Billy
Matthew Kopfhamer:Zabka's. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:That's that's who it feels like for me who it's like, you're supposed to hate him, and then now you're starting to see a little more of him. You get around him. You can actually laugh at some of his jokes. You're like, he is kind of an antihero that I can enjoy even though I'm not always rooting for him. You know?
Jagger May:Yeah. And he's piece that's the great he's not like an evil piece of shit. You know? He's just like
Alfredo Brown:Well, like, amount of times, like douchebag.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. Yes.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Yes. Oh, without getting into spoilers, like, there are times in this movie where these characters have no reason to save each other, and they do. And, like, that's something that is just it was the small moments like that where it illuminates how these characters, they're not all bad. Right?
Alfredo Brown:Like, there's something in there where they truly are antiheroes that want to be heroes. They're not they're not really a suicide squad like DC would put together.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. Mhmm. They're not bad people. They just do bad things. And so, you know, they're put in situations where they they have to make bad choices or bad decisions.
Matthew Kopfhamer:But, I mean, that's the great thing about taking a character like US agent where you get one perspective in falcon and the winter soldier, and you're and then this gives you a new perspective from his angle so you get some relation to him. And you can see, okay. Yeah. He made some really, really poor choices, but I see why he did that. And I can I can finally sympathize with him?
Matthew Kopfhamer:And I think that's a mark of a really good movie and why it, to me, ranks above something like Spider Man no way home where you have a couple of characters that felt kinda wasted, and they're just there to be there. Looking at you, Sandman. Mhmm. So I think what this movie did was they they made sure that each character had their own arc, and it made sense, and it fit with
Alfredo Brown:no spoilers. That? No spoilers.
Matthew Kopfhamer:No spoilers. Looking at you redacted. Yep. Anyway, besides the one, which you kinda had to do to give the the scene some gravitas.
Alfredo Brown:We knew.
Matthew Kopfhamer:But yeah. Of course. But I feel like they just did a really good job of making sure every character got their moment to shine. And even though, in my opinion, White Widow, Florence Pugh's character, Yelena, was the she was the main protagonist of this film. She was the real emotional heart of this film.
Matthew Kopfhamer:I think they made sure every character got to shine, and that's what I really appreciate about a team up movie is making sure everyone has their moment in the sun.
Jagger May:And and no cameos, man. Because, like, that's something that Guardians does that a lot of other stuff do. Because, like, I think that's what I'm trying to say about when I say it didn't feel like an MCU movie. MCU has become, like, a gimmick formula where it's
Alfredo Brown:just like service over and over with a lot of movies.
Jagger May:Yeah. Which is like, remember this guy? Remember this guy? Oh, you like Pedro Pascal? And I'm not hating on but, like, they kinda do that shit.
Alfredo Brown:But, like, that's what that's what brave new world was. I mean, for a lot of people, you don't even know that it's a Captain America movie. You just think it's the Red Hulk movie because that's what was pushed down our throats over and over. And that's the thing that's, like, mentioned going through this. It's like, oh, that happened.
Alfredo Brown:Remember our president turned into a big red rage monster? It's not a spoiler. Like, that's a movie that already happened. It it Marvel got so used to doing that where it was the formula of, like, let's keep feeding them candy. Let's keep feeding them candy.
Alfredo Brown:And it finally feels like now we got a legitimate meal that didn't feel like you said, Jack, it didn't feel like a Marvel movie. It felt like a movie. Movie. You could just sit there and enjoy it. Like, it's a like, it's a good quality meal at a good restaurant.
Alfredo Brown:Not fast food, not, you know, cheap sugar and something salty like all the other stuff they've been giving us. This was a legitimate film.
Jagger May:Yep. Like, you're gonna need context, obviously, from Marvel. But, legitimately, if you just understand what kind of happened in Endgame, maybe understand Yelena and, like, Black Widow, anyone could come in and enjoy this movie. I'll even go as so far as to say if you haven't watched Marvel, you can enjoy the movie. And if anything, it would get you to go back and watch the cause that's another thing that they've lost too is is developing new fans.
Jagger May:You know? Where if you were gonna come in and watch doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, is that movie gonna make you go back and watch WandaVision? Is that movie gonna make you watch wanna watch more doctor Strange? Not at all.
Alfredo Brown:Multiverse of Madness is like going into Star Wars during Attack of the Clones. Mhmm. And you're just like, nah. I don't want anymore.
Jagger May:That was special time that was a special time for me, and I love that movie, so I'm having a hard time relating. But, like I'm
Alfredo Brown:I'm thinking of it now as I've tried to introduce kids to Star Wars, and, like, I'll get them to watch different movies, and they're just like so, like, I'm thinking now of, like, how, like, how how would I have
Jagger May:Slowly reaching for that iPad.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. How how would I how would I have my, like, my mother-in-law, for example, she went with us to this movie, and she kinda I could tell, like, she didn't wanna go see it because there's so much homework that goes with it. And she's seen the Marvel movies, but, like, not any of the recent stuff or any of the shows. And so she was like, well, who's that character? And who's that character?
Alfredo Brown:Like, just as we're looking at the poster, and I'm like, oh, well, that one's from a show that not a lot of people watch, and that one's from a movie, like, from a long time ago. And then this one's from the and so you I could see it on her face where she's like, oh, shit. Like, I'm gonna have to sit here for two hours not knowing what's going on. And by the end of it, she had a great time. And they they did a lot of exposition with these characters where it didn't feel clunky.
Alfredo Brown:It didn't feel forced. And actually, what the way I love the way they did it was a lot of it was actually through insults to one another, not them monologuing and telling their stories or forced exposition through dialogue. It was it was them saying, like, yeah. You're captain America for, like, two seconds.
Jagger May:Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:Like, that's It's like, did
Jagger May:you murder an innocent man? Dude,
Matthew Kopfhamer:you wanna talk about insults? Bucky was cold, man. Some of the shit he said just offhand. I was like, oh my god. Like, you just murdered that man with your words.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Like
Jagger May:Bucky becoming a leader is it feels good. Like, a lot of times
Matthew Kopfhamer:Felt real. It felt natural.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. Like He's our he's our comfort food at this point in the MCU. Mhmm. And I actually prefer this as opposed to them being like, let's bring Chris Evans back and do some other variation of Captain America. It's like, Bucky's been here for a minute.
Alfredo Brown:Bucky's been here for a long time. I I don't know the exact
Matthew Kopfhamer:as a character. So this feels natural for him as a character. So I really appreciate that.
Jagger May:And I I'm gonna lose some black points by saying this, and I feel terrible. And I wanna blame maybe the writing, but they're trying to do this with Sam, and it's just not hidden. It's not hidden the way that it is with Bucky right now. How Bucky how Bucky came in, he's like he's like, look. I'm like a thousand years old.
Jagger May:I've killed so many people, done so many horrific things. There's like nothing that you can do that can hurt me. Just like do what the fuck I say, and I'll get
Alfredo Brown:us through this. His line no spoiler here. His line where he's like, yeah. Because I have a totally normal chill past. Yes.
Alfredo Brown:What what you're saying, though, like, how they're trying it with Sam is because I feel like they're really forcing, Sam Wilson into this Steve Rogers persona, and I I kinda wanna see Anthony Mackie have some more personality. Like, what what was it? Oh, in the studio recently when we saw Anthony Mackie in the studio portraying himself, and we're like, damn. That's the most personality I've seen before
Matthew Kopfhamer:he gets the TV show.
Alfredo Brown:The studio. The studio. Yes. Mhmm. What what was yeah.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah. The Apple TV show.
Matthew Kopfhamer:In yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:He just had studio. Yeah.
Jagger May:The show.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. In the studio.
Alfredo Brown:Sorry. Yeah. We were not in the studio with him. But, like, that's something where I think they've been trying too hard to just let's keep recreating what we've had. And I think that was our worry when we first found out they were casting Robert Downey junior as doom.
Alfredo Brown:No matter how creative the story might be, it just feels like you're you're going backwards for the sake of nostalgia. And this was the good kind of nostalgia with Bucky, where it's like, you were watching him, and you have missed every single part of this character, and you want more of this character. And even when he comes this is in the trailer. When he comes riding through on the motorcycle with the shotgun, I'm just like, this is Terminator vibes. This is dope as I was loving this.
Matthew Kopfhamer:And spin.
Alfredo Brown:And the characters were so excited to see Bucky where you even have John Walker, USA agent, go, it's Bucky. Like, that was me.
Jagger May:I was sitting in the theater like, oh my god.
Alfredo Brown:And then, like, everything turns. But it just yeah. We we need him, and I think there's just a perfect balance of, like, this is what we've had in Marvel. Florence Pugh is where we are going with Marvel. Mhmm.
Alfredo Brown:And then some of these other characters I mean, we mentioned David Harbour and his his his comedy throughout this whole thing. There's another character in this that we're gonna talk about when we go to our spoiler review. So if if once you have seen the movie or if you've already seen the movie and you wanna go check that out, we're gonna talk about this in our spoiler review. But there's another character that I think could end up just being really, really big for the MCU going forward. Like, it he this character could be a a cornerstone.
Jagger May:Yep. And, again, it goes back to, like, characters that we don't care about. And if they're just written well, it doesn't matter because
Alfredo Brown:Mhmm.
Jagger May:I I always point back to Guardians of the Galaxy. Yondu is, like, the least comic book accurate character ever, and no one gives a fuck. It is just so much better than the actual comic book version. And, like, whatever Red
Alfredo Brown:Guard who he is. Red Guardian is Yondu.
Jagger May:Exactly. Like, we finally got that back. Beautiful. Yeah. It's like, with Red Guardian, he was like a villain of the week and like, oh, no.
Jagger May:It's Russian cap. You know? It's like not really that serious in the comic book. We saw it
Matthew Kopfhamer:in the eighties.
Jagger May:And and what they've turned him into is just it's cool, and that's that's the joy of adapt of adaptations when you make changes that work and are better. Whereas some of these times when they make a lot of these changes for the sake of changes, you know, where a lot of times it feels cheap or exploitive, whether it's by race or gender swap or whatever. This was just, hey. What if we use David Harbour's personality and just make this really fucking cool? You know?
Matthew Kopfhamer:And then give him a Russian accent. Yeah.
Jagger May:Yeah. Give him a Russian accent. Let's give him some golds, and and let's see what let's cook. You know? And and it works.
Alfredo Brown:When, when he's asking Bucky, he's like, what version of serum did you get? And he's just like, I don't know.
Matthew Kopfhamer:The Hydra?
Alfredo Brown:Regular Hydra. He's like, oh, fancy Hydra. Yeah.
Jagger May:This is great. That's Soviet.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Steepest, but just as good.
Alfredo Brown:He's like, we are same. Yes. You you lead. When you get tired, I I lead. Yes.
Jagger May:I don't actually want to drive. Okay.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Let's get it. Let let's let's end this so we can get the spoilers, guys, because I I get I wanna talk spoilers.
Alfredo Brown:Okay. Alright. Alright. Last thing. Last question.
Alfredo Brown:Is Marvel back? Where is your trust in the MCU and Marvel as a whole on a scale of one to 10, Jag?
Jagger May:Cautious optimism.
Alfredo Brown:Okay.
Jagger May:I know that's what oh, oh, you want a number? Yeah. Six and a half. I was at, like, a five, guys. So, like, the six and was like, six
Alfredo Brown:and a half does not sound good. But considering yeah. You were at a five before. Okay. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:Okay. Cough?
Matthew Kopfhamer:The next movie is the next movie coming out is Fantastic Four. Correct?
Alfredo Brown:Mhmm. Yes. That is correct.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Alright. So I'm at I'm at an eight. I'm at an eight. I'm ready for
Alfredo Brown:it to react.
Matthew Kopfhamer:If if if fantastic four hits, we're back for official.
Jagger May:Do you know what keeps me from an eight? It's actually doomsday, man. Yeah. If if if I didn't know Doomsday was coming, I I would be way in. Let's just say that was never a thing, and they were just like, we're just gonna reboot, and we're just gonna we're just gonna play jazz.
Jagger May:Where DC was at, we're just gonna roll out stuff and then build like that. I would be at, like, an eight or nine. But Doomsday, I think, has a potential to bring everything back down to where we were, and that's what worries me. But, like, f four Yeah.
Matthew Kopfhamer:That's
Jagger May:right. With Thunderbolts, this feels great.
Matthew Kopfhamer:It's it's on a rise up. So Yes. I think, yeah.
Alfredo Brown:I think what you said, Jag, is the part that sticks with me. I'm at a seven right now because this movie was very, very good. I have the feeling that Fantastic Four should also be very, very good. And then the thing is, it's just like you said, is that, like, we could go two steps forward and then five steps back Doomsday doesn't hit right. And then we have to hope that Secret Wars hits, and then Spider Man has to come back in and save the day with another good movie.
Alfredo Brown:It's just like, do we end up in this cycle again of asking ourselves, are these movies actually still good? So that's why I'm at a seven. If you watch this video just for fun or listen to this in the podcast just for fun and you've already seen Thunderbolt, head on over to our spoiler review. That's gonna be the next video or the next podcast in our feed that you can listen to. As always, wanna thank you guys for watching and listening all the way through for myself, for Jag, for Koff.
Alfredo Brown:We'll see you next time. Adios.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Okay. How about the? So I look good. Everything's centered.
Alfredo Brown:You look like shit, but, you know, we have to record.
Matthew Kopfhamer:You know? Of course.
Alfredo Brown:You're a fix your your left shoulder. It's higher than your right shoulder. I'm just fucking with you.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Oh, it was just go, like,
Alfredo Brown:way too far. You just lean.
Jagger May:We're we're going to go full blown, like, like, like fashionisto's on here. It's just like, Jack, you got to lose weight.
Alfredo Brown:Lose 10 pounds or get the fuck out of my streamyard.
Matthew Kopfhamer:We're just gonna start Was it a digitally searching the problem areas on the camera.
Jagger May:Yeah. Was it, like, knocked up? It's like, we legally can't say you can't lose weight. Titan. Titan.
Jagger May:That's right.
Alfredo Brown:Crystal Wigg, she's like, go home, stand on the scale, look at that, and then be, like, 10 less than that.
Matthew Kopfhamer:That's fucking LA. That's amazing.
Alfredo Brown:That's a that's that's low key, one of our one of our gods right there, Alan Tudyk. Little g, of course.
Matthew Kopfhamer:No. I'll give him a big g.
Alfredo Brown:You give him a big g?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. I would worship him.
Alfredo Brown:I mean, so many so many voice roles. So many voice roles, good comedy in person, like live action roles, dude patrol, and dodgeball knocked up.
Matthew Kopfhamer:That's dude, the one with Heath Ledger. Fucking
Alfredo Brown:Oh, A Knight's Tale? That's fucking great.
Matthew Kopfhamer:A Knight's Tale.
Alfredo Brown:Such a good movie.
Jagger May:Yeah. And that's so good.
Alfredo Brown:Did that that failed series about an insurance company in Metropolis where he plays Bruce Wayne's cousin.
Jagger May:Yeah. Daniel Putty Putty's in that too. That actually sounded like a good concept. They just only paid, like, $3 for that show. You know, like
Matthew Kopfhamer:So was it like a workplace comedy kind of thing?
Alfredo Brown:Was supposed to be, like, an another, like, Parks and Rec Like, office style style thing. But, like, their lead female actor, think, was Vanessa Hudgens.
Jagger May:That's what kept,
Alfredo Brown:like Okay. And, like, that just didn't and it's, like, their
Matthew Kopfhamer:She's, like, anti chemistry with everything.
Alfredo Brown:Branch manager was Alan Tudyk, and he's Bruce Wayne's cousin. And, like, Bruce Wayne never actually answers his calls. And they're just, like they're dealing with all the insurance issues of being in Metropolis and, like, what comes with that?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Great. Mhmm. That's funny.
Jagger May:That's just trying to as someone like yeah. And you guys know how much I love animation. Trying to explain how much of a god Clancy Brown is to casuals. It's just Oh, dude.
Alfredo Brown:That's okay. This is a this is a good show idea.
Matthew Kopfhamer:This is a
Alfredo Brown:good show idea. The voice actor what do want? A voice actor at Mount Rushmore? Let's do that.
Jagger May:Yeah. I would totally be
Alfredo Brown:in there. I'm in on I'm in on the voice actor Mount Rushmore. Alan Tudyk, Clancy Brown. This is Yeah.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Tara Strong?
Jagger May:Yeah. Oh, Tara Strong. Tara Strong might be one zero one.
Matthew Kopfhamer:She was my she was my childhood, bro. Like, she voiced every fucking childhood character.
Jagger May:Her doing Loki, I'm like, dude, just giving this minute a fucking show. Like, I'm way in. It's like Jack,
Alfredo Brown:like, desperately wants to fuck miss Minutes.
Jagger May:You don't.
Alfredo Brown:Jack, I
Jagger May:get it,
Alfredo Brown:man. I mean, I I mean, it's always it's always the right time.
Jagger May:I just this is a good segue. I just told you what I would do.
Alfredo Brown:I was gonna say. Yeah. What if miss Minutes had a boat?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Oh, see? That's I'm going on
Alfredo Brown:boat call. Bye, Amy. Okay.
Jagger May:I want a boat. And
Alfredo Brown:I want a boat. You know how the only way to get to it.
Jagger May:You have a friend group, and then you have, like, the tertiary friend group. Like, the person I'm going with is tertiary friend. Yes. Yeah. She's very cool.
Alfredo Brown:Yeah.
Jagger May:She's, like, she's, like, in her fifties. She's, like her her all of her kids are grown, so she just hangs out and parties. Whatever.
Alfredo Brown:She owns
Matthew Kopfhamer:a four zero one k?
Jagger May:She owns a barbershop. I don't go to a barbershop. No.
Alfredo Brown:Oh, that's the it's not a barbershop.
Jagger May:Here's the caveat.
Matthew Kopfhamer:So long.
Jagger May:I have discovered that she has her own OnlyFans and does, like, weird bite. Like, every every sign that they're a swinger is there. I have never met her husband in three years.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yo. He's a he's got a cock chair for sure.
Alfredo Brown:He's off planet just constantly.
Matthew Kopfhamer:He's in the corner always, or he's in the closet in a super
Jagger May:mature chair. This person is attractive for their age. Their husband, I don't get it. Let's put that he's got weird trucker vibes.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Money. That's
Alfredo Brown:like like the trucker in Always Sunny.
Jagger May:Let's just say they got a home. They're stuck in the way you're talking about.
Alfredo Brown:I was like, what are a couple of handsome boys like you doing out here?
Jagger May:I almost can't afford in my
Matthew Kopfhamer:pocket and heart in my I got desire in my heart.
Jagger May:That's, a money in my pocket desire in my desire, desire, man. Crack me. This could
Matthew Kopfhamer:be over like a coconut. Oh god, that line.
Jagger May:I will not suck and I will not be sucked on. Again.
Matthew Kopfhamer:What? Those top those was that that's not Tom Sizemore. Who was that? I don't know who that guy is.
Jagger May:I don't think I've stated anything else.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Don't think
Alfredo Brown:he wants you to know
Matthew Kopfhamer:who he is. He's he's like a big time actor.
Jagger May:Oh, or comedian. I've I've I've I mean, he probably right.
Alfredo Brown:They don't like
Jagger May:yeah, we were discussing, like, our Oh, really? Oh, okay.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. But he he passed away back in 2023.
Jagger May:I didn't even He
Matthew Kopfhamer:was in, like, Saving Private Ryan, Natural Killers. He's he's in big shit. Black Hawk Down.
Jagger May:Anyway, I told Amy I'm gonna go on this boat, and I told her I'm like, Nikki might be being weird. Like, are you cool with this? I'm not gonna do anything. You know? But You
Matthew Kopfhamer:know what it is. Right? It's the implication. You're trapped.
Jagger May:You can't say no. It is the athlete. Gonna go on
Matthew Kopfhamer:the You're gonna you're gonna you're gonna end up with a boat and be the only one there with her and her weird ass husband in a camera setup. You're like, ah, damn it. This is a trap for some OnlyFans content.
Jagger May:She texted me. I'm excited. I'm not joking.
Alfredo Brown:That's it? Just the I'm excited period or, like, I'm excited exclamation point. No follow-up message.
Jagger May:I'm excited. No period.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Oh, dude. You're definitely losing a kidney or getting, like, sexually assaulted.
Jagger May:Okay? This is the
Alfredo Brown:So let's ask this. Let's ask this.
Jagger May:Okay. She
Alfredo Brown:she says, Jack, you can use the boat whenever you want. We're we're tight like this now. What's your line? What's your limit? How far are you willing to go?
Matthew Kopfhamer:Any limit.
Jagger May:I'm I'm getting married. I'm not a piece of shit. It's still sunscreen album, Nick. It still sunscreen album.
Alfredo Brown:Jag responds with, I will not suck anything, and I will not get
Jagger May:sucked. OTP only. This is audio only.
Alfredo Brown:Yes. This is a stinger. This is a stinger at the end of the episode.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Yeah. I can watch This is the post credits. Participate.
Alfredo Brown:Longest post credits, just like Thunderbolts.
Jagger May:Yeah. Exactly. So, like, Amy's like, go out there and get us a second boat to hang out on. You know? I mean,
Matthew Kopfhamer:Amy's like, do what you have to do, Jagger. Come on
Jagger May:now. You know the rules.
Alfredo Brown:Now it's like when Jag is deciding he's gonna start to wear sleeves and wear pants when he goes out.
Jagger May:Yeah. Like, you guys will know their sides. You're like like it's like, wow. Jaggers a clear SA victim. Yeah Yep.
Matthew Kopfhamer:He just comes on all black.
Alfredo Brown:Little hoodie.
Jagger May:Yeah. I'm not even making fun of Bob look. Yeah. Yeah. And cough this again to finish the close this up, this is where I told him, I'm like, now I know the signs, you know, but like back 24 year old Jag, I dated a 24 year old Korean ballet dancer.
Jagger May:And damn, I let her. I didn't let her. I discovered she was making weird porn behind my back, and I would have been cool with this. He was
Alfredo Brown:just flicking around one day.
Jagger May:I don't even remember. He's like, Hang on a second. I remember it might have been like it might have been like I used her. Oh, I remember she logged in to my phone to use an email because like she like something's going on with her phone and stay logged in and then got a like emails, dude, that's you can't be doing that. That was that was on her, you know, because then I got weird emails like so and so sent you a message.
Jagger May:And I'm like, who the fuck is so and so? And then I went and looked and it's just weird.
Alfredo Brown:Why does he want to see my backdoor? What's going on?
Jagger May:Yeah, it's like it was. And she would like send like hair washing pics and shit like in like underwear and like make it
Matthew Kopfhamer:weird, weird fetish. Okay,
Jagger May:that's what I said. If she was actually like flicking the bean or something, I feel like that's at least normal, you know, like the hair. Like these are people that are going to like, kidnap you.
Alfredo Brown:I draw the line at daily activities.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Can see, like, I can see her perspective, like, not telling you or being upfront about it just because she probably got judged in prior relationships for it. So until you guys were tight tight. Yeah. Exactly. You guys were together for, like, six months, then it's a little
Jagger May:Yeah. And I
Matthew Kopfhamer:Oh, okay. That's a little weird then that she kept it from you.
Jagger May:Mhmm.
Matthew Kopfhamer:If it was, like, a couple months, I'd say, yeah. It's understandable. But, like, a year, she should've And
Jagger May:she knew I was on some freak shit. She could've just said something. You know? Like, can I do this? Can I sell my feet?
Matthew Kopfhamer:And I'm like, I'm can, but this is what I'm doing. Are you cool with it? Yes or no?
Jagger May:Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.
Alfredo Brown:It's asking for the blessing, not for permission.
Jagger May:Yes. That there you go. Because, like, I'm very pro. Women could do whatever the fuck they want. Like I said, like, Amy, is a bartender, and I know she makes a lot of money because she's an attractive bartender.
Jagger May:I am okay with that because we are a very trusting relationship.
Matthew Kopfhamer:What kind of bar she work at? She had a dive or she had
Alfredo Brown:a One with alcohol. Please?
Jagger May:No. It's it's it's own, but, like, they say they're a restaurant. They sell sandwiches, but it's a fucking bar that sells gourmet sandwiches. Let's put it that way. You know, and it's right.
Jagger May:Yeah. Actually, yeah, it is kind of. It really is the bear. Like, we like like literally when I watch that show, I get PTSD. You're in a tiny cramped kitchen.
Jagger May:Everyone's screaming at each other. And the only thing is everyone's infinitely more drunk. The kitchen's more drunk. The front house is more drunk. The customers are more drunk.
Jagger May:It's just a very toxic environment.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Got drunk. Yeah.
Jagger May:Yeah. You see why I went to go to slap somebody because they like gets out of hand there, you know, like this gets way out of hand. And it was like, like, why'd you slap him? I had no other option. There was zero other
Alfredo Brown:exhausted all options. Killed other options. Crazy.
Matthew Kopfhamer:Trust me. This was the best option left.
Jagger May:For real, man. I was just like, I kept him from going to jail if anything. Homies on a crash out. Anyway, if y'all don't hear from me, I'm a tell you what I'm going go on the boat. Y'all don't hear from me or see on my Instagram that I'm doing fine boat shit just now.
Jagger May:Just text Amy for me. Let her know that I'm
Alfredo Brown:You're gonna have to give us you're you're gonna have to give us some sort of contact info.
Jagger May:I'm gonna share location on There you go.
Alfredo Brown:There you go. Hey. My wife does that every time she gets into an Uber. She does, like, the share my trip thing. Mhmm.
Alfredo Brown:That's a real thing,
Jagger May:Jack. It's a real thing.
Alfredo Brown:Now I'm worried about you. Now I'm
Jagger May:worried. I tell Amy all the time. I'm like, I want a ring camera. And she's like, I have to stick blah blah blah. Was like, I'm not trying to watch you.
Jagger May:I was like, we live in a college town.
Alfredo Brown:Which is It's a
Jagger May:whole lot to you. I know what you're doing, and they're watching Love on the Spectrum smoking weed on the couch.
Alfredo Brown:Hey. That
Jagger May:show You probably watch it.
Alfredo Brown:Do it now. I'm into it now. Yeah. It's Then
Jagger May:that, like, gives you, like, happy tears sometimes, man.
Alfredo Brown:Like It it does it. It does it all. It does it all. It gives me it gives me the happiness. It gives me the tears.
Alfredo Brown:Sometimes I I I cringe, but there's, like, there's just it's such a perfect show. Like, everything.
Jagger May:That's what reality TV should be. Like, I watch the garbage, but, like, reality TV about is cough frozen? Oh, man. You get so still sometimes, cough. It's crazy.
Matthew Kopfhamer:He's he's drags. I'm reading I'm reading the yeah. I'm drag. So.
Alfredo Brown:We're like, no. We can
Matthew Kopfhamer:see you. I'm reading the I'm reading the show notes. So I'm trying to
Jagger May:No.
Matthew Kopfhamer:You're good. Because Yeah. You're good. I'm trying to separate, like, what's the spoiler, what's not in my head, and it's hard because I wanna talk about, like, everything. And it's like
