Every Live-Action Star Wars Movie Ranked (from best to worst)
#98

Every Live-Action Star Wars Movie Ranked (from best to worst)

Alfredo Brown:

We're gonna be ranking these Star Wars live action films from best to worst, but we're gonna put a cool spin on this where each of us have our own set of rankings. We're gonna combine them together to create a consensus, and none of us know how the other has ranked these movies. We're gonna put them all together to give you guys a definitive ranking of the best to worst live action Star Wars movies. Starting. Alright, boys.

Alfredo Brown:

Let's jump right out of the gate with episode one, The Phantom Menace.

Jagger May:

I have this ranked six. I don't hate it as much as a lot of people do. I think the problem with the prequels that there's this dichotomy of people that say they suck and then us, the millennials that love them, is that there is a lot of good. It's just everything in between, mainly the words. Like, if you just kind of make a supercut, take out all the dialogue, and then occasionally, Liam Neeson is just like, alright.

Jagger May:

Here's some shit that happened. Trade agreements. And then you just kinda go back to the action. It's actually pretty fucking cool. And it's, to me, for millennials, it's what a new hope is.

Jagger May:

A new hope is not that fucking good, guys. It's kinda boring. The dialogue is dog shit, but the action that blew your mind when that came out in the seventies, that's what happened to me for the Phantom Menace. You know? Also, two lightsabers, double lightsaber.

Jagger May:

Sweet.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I have it slightly higher than Jag at five.

Jagger May:

Oh, can bump mine up? Can I bump mine up? I thought

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Just because for a lot of the same reasons, he's he's right. Like, some of the the trade federation storyline is kind of boring, especially if you're a kid. But, I mean, the pod racing scene, fantastic. Duel of the Fates, one of the best lightsaber fights in all of Star Wars. For me, one of the biggest drags is too much Jar Jar.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

If you would reduce Jar Jar's presence by, like, half, I think this would be a much higher rated movie. But other than that, I think it's comfortably at, like, number five.

Alfredo Brown:

Dude, we did six minutes of anti Jar Jar. Talk. Yeah. We're basically Foxx this point.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Phantom is at number six. Fantom Menace is right in the middle.

Alfredo Brown:

Okay. It's Okay.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

It's six out of 11. Not not at I, you know, I didn't hate it. Well, honestly, it's Jagger, didn't you have it at six?

Jagger May:

Yeah. Yes. And and that was me fading it because I actually love it. Yeah. It's like yeah.

Alfredo Brown:

Alright. Yeah. I'm not I'm not gonna fuck around too much. I'm not gonna fuck around too much. I also have it at a six.

Alfredo Brown:

There's, like, the very obvious things. I mean, there's just, like, there's enough things that I think we romanticize this movie because of when it came out. Like, we were all in that age range where Star Wars was the most monumental and influential thing to people in our age range. And, like, they did the rerelease of the digitally remastered trilogy in an effort to get everyone hyped for this movie. It worked.

Alfredo Brown:

I still remember the trailer where, like, all of the the Gungans are walking through the fog, getting ready for the big battle, and me being like, oh, Star Wars has leveled up. This looks so cool. And then the music hitting with the pod racing going to like, it was just there there's nothing like that nostalgia of it, of being a kid. And the same way that people talk about episode four, And, unfortunately, young kids are gonna talk about the the sequel series. That was this for us, man.

Alfredo Brown:

Like, episode one has a special place in our heart, but I can't ignore when Jags like, yeah. If you just ignore the writing, dog, that's like 50% of the movie is what they're saying, and that that's gonna keep it at at a six for me. Alright. So on average, that puts Phantom Menace at a 5.75. So it's probably gonna be somewhere in the middle depending on how we end up doing here.

Alfredo Brown:

Let's go to episode two. Attack of the Clones, Cough. Kick us off this time.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I have this one at number eight. This one to me was a low point in the prequel trilogy. It just you go back and you watch that movie. The the dialogue between Anakin and Padme is atrocious. And every like, dude, Anakin is a walking red flag, a a super walking red flag, and Padme's like, but I can fix him.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

It's like, nah. Now you can't.

Jagger May:

Can learn

Alfredo Brown:

Padme skate by on not being a little bit of a red flag herself?

Jagger May:

Dude, didn't try I've actually forgot that point in Phantom Menace. Like, the memes even say it. Like, I get where Anakin's at. He's like, man, a princess She's

Matthew Kopfhamer:

a space angel.

Jagger May:

I'm with a Yeah. Yeah. Like, I get it, dude. He was

Alfredo Brown:

dropping bars on Padme. Are you an angel?

Jagger May:

Like

Alfredo Brown:

Yeah. He was throwing a

Jagger May:

So

Alfredo Brown:

He was throwing his hundred mile per hour fastball on Padme. So she was 14. Can't wait till that nine year old grows up.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Yeah. She was 14. He was, what, eight or nine? So, like, a five to six year age gap, which is incurable, but, yeah, it's a little prop little

Jagger May:

I don't

Alfredo Brown:

know, bro.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

It's kinda weird. Problematic. But To be fair, she didn't say no.

Jagger May:

Like Kinda. Like, six times. If any like like, if anything, this this thing was a cautionary tale of how, like, men just pressure women until it's like, oh, fuck. I'm in a loveless marriage.

Alfredo Brown:

No. It wasn't a cautionary.

Jagger May:

Oh, he committed a genocide.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

He committed a genocide. How quaintly. It

Alfredo Brown:

taught a bunch of teenage boys just stay persistent. You'll get what you want eventually.

Jagger May:

Stay angry.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Yeah. Stay angry. Have trauma. Like, god. L'Toxico.

Alfredo Brown:

We don't condone it, by the way.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Yeah. No. So so of the of the three prequel movies, I think it's definitely the lowest of of the three. It definitely had problems with the story. It was a little weird and jarring when they're like, oh, yeah.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

There's a secret army that's been being being built for the last ten years that nobody knows about. But here you go. The Jedi are just gonna accept it. But so it's a little a little messy from a story standpoint, but there were some really good parts. I'll I'll give you the last twenty to thirty minutes with everything in Genosha was fantastic.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

So they still were able to hit from a action standpoint, and it still had a somewhat cohesive story. But, yeah, I'll put it at number eight for me.

Alfredo Brown:

Vig, where do you have this at?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Number nine. It's not gonna I'm really not gonna be dead horse. This was a tough watch. I watched it again recently, and it just man, so much of it doesn't land. It doesn't age very well.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

It is by far the worst of the the original trilogy for me.

Jagger May:

Not a

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

lot of stuff that really redeems attack of the clones. Maybe clone wars the the debut of the clone wars itself and Yoda's lightsaber duel salvage, like, some semblance of spectacle, but, man, the green screen backdrops are uneven and ugly, and

Jagger May:

I managed to the times. Come on now. We know that none time. Yeah. But it's

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

the times. But, again, like I said, I wanted

Matthew Kopfhamer:

to see to lure of the rains

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

at the

Matthew Kopfhamer:

same It

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

just seemed so fake. But I agree, man. There were some like, when you were in, like, this rain soaked cloning facility in Camino or Geonosis and that gladiatorial arena, like, it had some beautiful spectacle too, but it just fell a little flat. I'm probably being a little too harsh on this, but it just again, it didn't give me that sense of wonder and joy and magic that I wanted in Star Wars. It did back then.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

It just doesn't now. And I have

Jagger May:

to say this, Lord of the Rings was all practical, and you use landscapes for medieval. You can't compare those two movies, when it comes to that. Sorry. I had to say that. Fair enough.

Alfredo Brown:

Okay. I'm gonna say, Jack, I have a feeling that you're gonna drop a bomb. So I'm gonna wait for you to go last

Jagger May:

on this. No. That's fair.

Alfredo Brown:

Yeah. So No, bro. I also have this I also have this at nine out of 11. World. So this is where I pose the question.

Alfredo Brown:

Right? It's because there are movies within the Star Wars lore that get better based on shows around it. And so do we want to offer these shows that context or ask, does it stand alone on its own? Because there are a bunch of movies that get better. Specifically, episode two, Attack of the Clones gets better because of the Clone Wars show.

Alfredo Brown:

But as a movie, it's kinda ass. Not gonna lie.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

That's pretty ass, man. It is better because of the show. So this is a great question. I'm glad you asked it. I did not apply the context of all the world building that the shows do because they do a lot of heavy lifting for the movies, and that just doesn't seem right to me, at least in these rankings.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

But it's it's a good argument to be made because I think Jagger's gonna make that argument.

Alfredo Brown:

Jags gonna lay it on the table. Jags about to just write on the table. Let's go.

Jagger May:

Well, I'm gonna be honest. Like, it I didn't even my score for this, it doesn't even include the clone wars or or anything with that. So this is I guess it's a hot take. It's four for me. Attack of attack of the clones is what made me a Star Wars diehard.

Jagger May:

Like, I I really enjoyed Fuck. This movie. Dude, he's so upset.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

He saw that Padme ripped shirt, and he was like, I'm in. I am in.

Jagger May:

You're not off.

Alfredo Brown:

He's out

Jagger May:

of line, but he's right. Phantom Menace was, like, was really cool, but I appreciated it after I got into attack of the clones. But Attack of the Clones, it gave me so much context in Luke Skywalker and the Skywalker saga. And for me, maybe it's because I had a tough childhood. I'm good at blacking out.

Jagger May:

So, like, the whole the bullshit

Alfredo Brown:

She blacked out the whole fucking movie?

Jagger May:

No. The whole the bullshit. I even forget that happens. Like, sometimes when I For the wedding? Yeah.

Jagger May:

Well, not afterwards. The the wedding, I remember that. But here's what it is. Like, Obi Wan Kenobi, this is where he became dope to me as well. Like, if you think about what happened in Phantom Menace, this nigga is a dude in the van up until the last five minutes.

Jagger May:

He's a nobody. You're like, okay. I guess that's Obi Wan. Then when we actually get to attack of the clones, we get the beginning scene of them chasing down a bounty hunter. That was so fucking exciting for me as a kid immediately.

Jagger May:

We got one we get Obi Wan with a long hair. I don't know what it was back then between that and Harry Potter. That was a fucking style. Like, Goblin of Fire came out of The

Alfredo Brown:

the yo. The Obi Wan long hair is my favorite meme that gets passed around on Facebook by all the Obi

Jagger May:

Wan's and Jesus. They're like Obi Wan.

Alfredo Brown:

You love Jesus. If you love Jesus, I bet you don't love Jesus, I bet you won't reshare this or something.

Jagger May:

Every Christmas, I do it. I I say remember the reason for the season. My family wife's my

Alfredo Brown:

wife's grandma every year just reposts it.

Jagger May:

I will. Yes. It's We never would have gotten that goodness with Attack on the Clones. But like I said, the world building in the context, we get Django Fett. We learned about that Boba Fett's an actual fucking clone.

Jagger May:

We get to see young uncle Ben and young aunt Maru there. It like, all this of how it builds forward and sets up backwards, it would Did you say uncle Ben?

Alfredo Brown:

Just hit me. Uncle Owen.

Jagger May:

Uncle Owen. Sorry. Oh, yeah.

Alfredo Brown:

Whatever. He dies anyways in the year

Jagger May:

because he's Same shit. If you're an uncle in Star Wars, your days are numbered. It's just

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Except for uncle har uncle Harlow, he's

Jagger May:

still around. Biggest hater biggest hater in the galaxy besides Eevee. So that that is in the end of it. Like, I'll finish on this. The end of Geonosia, which you said, was phenomenal.

Jagger May:

Seeing that many Jedi get to see Yoda be a badass. Yoda's just his old little short mofo that's just giving him vibe.

Alfredo Brown:

That was a dope fight.

Jagger May:

Yeah. And I'm like

Alfredo Brown:

That was dope fight.

Jagger May:

The whole time I was a kid,

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I'm like spatting Django? Yes. Dope. There's

Jagger May:

there's just so much cool shit in there that I genuinely think that thirty minutes spoils what's a lot of good stuff in that movie. Like, genuinely, like, if you think about the Naboo shit, maybe, like, a short time in that movie compared to all the other good stuff. I'm not saying it is like, it's not as bad as you guys were saying. It is, but you're letting it poison the well. You know, like,

Alfredo Brown:

you're so bad they had to make a multi season show to explain all the context that didn't have.

Jagger May:

Whatever. I don't I don't know. All I got is where it lands.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Jack's pulling it back up. We'll see where it lands.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I fuck.

Alfredo Brown:

I I love that you did this, though. I love that you put it at four because I can't wait for the comments. I can't wait for the comments.

Jagger May:

It's gonna be amazing. I I came in here shocked because I'm just like, yeah. Yeah. As a young millennials too. Y'all fuck with all of them.

Jagger May:

You know? And then you're just like, garbage.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

This is

Alfredo Brown:

Jack, is that Oscar the Grouch meme? It's like, live in the garbage. I love it. I thrive in Okay. Episode three, revenge of the sith.

Alfredo Brown:

This is just a a such a monumental movie for our age range. And, honestly, for Star Wars in general, it almost feels like potentially the most important one, whether it's the best or not. If this movie doesn't work, I don't think the saga truly works. So, Vig, start

Matthew Kopfhamer:

us off here. Alfredo, what's what's your score? What's your score, Alfredo?

Alfredo Brown:

You want me to start? Okay. I'll start. Let's

Jagger May:

go with history. Yeah.

Alfredo Brown:

Yeah. Let's hear you. Yeah. I have Revenge of the Sith as my number four movie

Jagger May:

Got it.

Alfredo Brown:

In the rankings.

Jagger May:

Damn. This is gonna be embarrassing for me.

Alfredo Brown:

And I was like, alright. I'm a

Jagger May:

head out.

Alfredo Brown:

I have Revenge of the Sith f four. I think we got one of the absolute coolest lightsaber battles that, like, when new and exciting lightsaber battles happen, it often gets referred they reference back to the Obi Wan Anakin lightsaber battle and saying, oh, we haven't gotten this since that battle. The just the memes alone that came out of Anakin from this movie and Obi Wan from this movie and the amount of times that that one, don't do it, Anakin, has been recreated for so many different things. And the, I hate

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

you.

Alfredo Brown:

Like, this is it it this movie has whether you loved it or whether you just liked all the visuals you got, it has lived famously and infamously forever and ever in our hearts. And I think that if this movie, like I said, did not hit the way it did, despite all of the cringey romance dialogue and honestly, I'm not a huge fan of the way it ends right after the Obi Wan and Anakin fight with the twins and Padme dying, and then the

Jagger May:

no.

Alfredo Brown:

Darth Vader.

Jagger May:

That's that's pretty I think that's the worst scene of the whole movie. I'm not gonna

Alfredo Brown:

lie about it. Any bad.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Do it.

Alfredo Brown:

Like, it's that's pretty bad. But honestly, everything else from it visually is great. I think it it, it brings that, at least at that time, that six episode Skywalker saga full circle in a really nice way.

Jagger May:

I I still can't I'm thinking about the memes, doc. Like, all of them that have come through there.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Solomon, you

Jagger May:

do same talking about is when Obi Wan just standing there like that, like, ready to snitch. Like, the ship? Yeah. Yeah. Have you

Alfredo Brown:

ever heard the thing where people are like, I firmly believe Anakin would have just listened to Padme if Obi Wan wasn't standing there

Jagger May:

like that. Exactly, dude. Like, I straight up would have lost his hips like that. I would have lost it. I'm just like I'd be like, why is

Alfredo Brown:

this brought him here to kill me.

Jagger May:

Alright. Make this nigga stand here. Yep. I just It's on me.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Can I go can I go

Alfredo Brown:

third here? I just feel like I might be

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

more in line with one of the two of you between Alfredo and Jagger. And I feel like Jagger said he's gonna he's gonna go. Whatever Jagger were you not to say.

Jagger May:

It's my number one, doc. This

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Oh, yeah. You are crazy out of your

Jagger May:

goddamn mind. Is gonna be a real I'm so happy. Number one. Get fucked, guys. I don't care.

Jagger May:

Head fucking body. Oh my god. This is insane.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Jagger, I love

Jagger May:

you so This

Alfredo Brown:

is the closest thing, audience, that you are gonna get to reaction type episode from us of, like, we're never gonna be the ones that watch the trailer and go, woah. That happened. This is, like, the best reaction content we can ever have. I Our version of Blind Rankings.

Jagger May:

And I and, like, when Vic's not here, I lean incredibly pretentious. So this is why I'm shocked. I'm, like, getting good fella in the fucking backroom right now. Who's hot tickets?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Jack, you can make a great case for this. I didn't I didn't go pretentious this time. Right? I just went for, like, sense of joy and wonder. I'm not trying to be, like, some cinefied

Jagger May:

I didn't go pretentious either, obviously.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

I didn't this time, I still think, one, you gotta be out of your mind. But, yes, sell it to me, man. How is this the best source movie that you have ever seen on a large screen?

Jagger May:

Actually, Alfredo gave the best pitch I could give. Culturally, this was everything for me. Like, this movie was like my personality, dog. It is my personality. From, like, every Christmas I'm from Arkansas, folks.

Jagger May:

Like, every year me sharing Obi Wan Kenobi, it it enrages my family year in and year out. It is like the memes about it. Like, I can solely have a conversation just in revenge of the sith quotes, guys. Like, this is movie's everything to me. One of my favorite things is doing and and this is me weighing, the shows with this.

Jagger May:

And what I'm learning is Star Wars is the one thing where I just throw away any of the Jack pretense. I'm just a fucking fanboy here. Where, like, watching that supercut of the end of Clone Wars and Revenge of the Sith, I live for that shit every fucking May. Every May. Like, my fiance's like, you're watching this again?

Jagger May:

And I'm like, what day is it? What look at the fucking calendar. It's May. You know? Sit your ass down or I'll go in the office.

Jagger May:

This is happening. So I love her mention of the

Alfredo Brown:

Jack just turns into Jeffrey Dahmer. He's like, no. Sit down. We're gonna finish watching this.

Jagger May:

Exactly, dude. Exactly. It's like the meme that's like, grandpa, I'm tired of this. It's like, that's just That's Judah.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Judah, man. I'm surprised. You know, Jagger having it at one is, like, to me, it's surprising, but not super shocking. But I'm surprised no one's talked about, like, some of the strengths of this movie, which are, like, the scenes of order 66, the found know, the the the foundlings getting off by Anakin.

Alfredo Brown:

Oh, I have this movie.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Unfortunately, just don't have it at one. That's all. This was Yeah.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I have it at four.

Alfredo Brown:

Where do you

Matthew Kopfhamer:

have it? Have four as well.

Jagger May:

Where do you

Matthew Kopfhamer:

got it? Yeah. I have it at four as well because it is it is to me the strongest of the three prequels. It it sets up beautifully how Anakin becomes Vader. But then there are some low points, like Palpatine's initial fight with the the three Jedi, and he just, like, does the spinning move and kills three of them

Jagger May:

in one. It's like, I love it.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

It's a little weak. It's a little weak.

Alfredo Brown:

I love that Mace Windu took the three absolute worst Jedi on the roster.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

But canonically, those are, like, the three best. Like, those are some of the three best duelists. And it's supposed to show that Palpatine's, like, this whole other level, but it did not translate on screen.

Jagger May:

They didn't move. I know. They just took the yell. They're just like

Alfredo Brown:

Who just watches an elderly spiral through the air

Jagger May:

to you?

Alfredo Brown:

They were about three seconds. Oh, shit. I'm dead.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

But then you compare that to Obi wan and Yoda, like, taking the temple back, and they're just offing clones like it's nothing. It's so it's it's a weird dichotomy between some scenes where it's like, is goofy as shit between this is the coolest thing I've seen on screen in a while. So to me, it's it's easily the best of the prequels, and it just such a good job of what it wanted to do and what George was trying to, you know, say about, like, toxic masculinity and fascism. And if you're not careful, that one man essentially can corrupt an entire system. So I think it does some really, really great things.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I just can't put it at number one, Jagger. That's just that's just crazy to me.

Jagger May:

Well, I like it because this was back when Star Wars was political and woke. So

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Back before they talked about war and Star Wars.

Alfredo Brown:

Alright. Alright, Big. Yeah. I mean, I I I think

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

it it by far I think I generally agree with all y'all. I have it at number four. It is by far the best of the prequel trilogy. You know, Jagger, you're making me consider going a little higher on it, but I don't know. I'm gonna leave it at four because that's what I said before.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

No. Truly, I mean, this is in many ways a masterpiece. It has a lot of flaws. There's, like, a lot of just, like, walking and talking in that middle act as Anakin goes between, like, the Jedi temple and the senate. But I think generally speaking, the fall of Coruscant, order 66, the burning of the Jedi temple, the, you know, the rise of Sidious as as a whole.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Right? And, obviously, Alfredo already talked about just the that lava magma lit. It's lava. It's out of the yeah. Lava lit moustapha, like, moustapha.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

It's just, like, so much incredible stuff. The one thing I'm gonna say more as, like, a pretentious person perhaps maybe is that, man, not including rogue one, because I think I'm gonna talk about this later. But, like, the more you kinda learn about Vader through the prequel series, the more whack he is as a villain. I know he has a complex story and they build it all. I just I feel like they really neuter Vader.

Alfredo Brown:

Yes.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

And the the and I just don't love that about the prequel series, and I think that's why I just can't put the range of the sith much higher. It is certainly something that becomes better because of the clone wars as a TV show, but, man, Vader and how Rogue One and those prequel trilogy have him makes him that iconic villain. And, honestly, the sequel trilogy's big or the prequel trilogy's biggest disappointment for me is, like, man, Vader kinda sucks. Like, just the

Alfredo Brown:

It kinda just made him whiny. Like, the last bit of Vader you get before going to episode four without Rogue One is him going, no. He's just like, that's it.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Cool. And And he

Jagger May:

just throws a Like like, you're not wrong. You're not wrong. And I'd argue even Clone Wars doesn't do a great job, and I think it's because they have to toe the line between a kid's show. They were working through that. It doesn't even do a good job of justifying Anakin to begin with.

Jagger May:

Legitimately, this nigga didn't get a promotion at work, and he made it everybody's problem. Like, this is what happened essentially. You know? Like, like, they didn't I would say that I would say that tales from the Jedi tales from the Jedi does a better job at showing the corruption of the Jedi. I agree.

Jagger May:

It's pushing Dooku pushing Dooku to the dark side than multiple seasons and a movie. That is my biggest critique. I've just watched the whole saga picking through it, and I'm like, so Anakin kills these weird gods that I don't understand, and then that, like, fuck shit up. Like, don't know. Guys want would you guys

Alfredo Brown:

want a Vader show seeing as how the shows have been able to expand on stories we've

Jagger May:

They already made a comic book. They already made a comic book.

Alfredo Brown:

Right. So, like, we have the story. Like, I because to me, the the Vader, Obi Wan dialogue together in the Kenobi show was probably the best thing about that

Matthew Kopfhamer:

that show.

Alfredo Brown:

And if we could have more of that, I I'd be in.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

If Tony Gilroy's doing it, yes. If anyone else is doing it, no. Yeah. Mhmm.

Jagger May:

Yeah. Obi wan is almost unwatchable for me. So

Alfredo Brown:

Let's go to the next ones on here because we're about to get some unwatchable shit as we keep going through this list. Next up, solo, a star wars story about our boy, Han Solo, Vig.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

That exists. That was the eleventh week. I'm just kidding. You I mean, solo.

Alfredo Brown:

Oh. Vig's like, I am not prepared for this. No. No. No.

Alfredo Brown:

No. You know,

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

the the the challenging thing is I just really struggled to figure out which I disliked more between, like, the rise of Skywalker and solo. Like, I don't I didn't wanna hate solo. I really But it was easy. The rise no. The rise of Sky Skywalker is the worst.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

But, man, it's like, it wasn't this was an okay movie. It was relatively forgettable. I I think it was trying to figure out what it wanted to be. Like, I just like, here's my question. Has anyone ever said, hey.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Let's go watch solo after they watch it the first time? It's just pretty garbage. You can

Alfredo Brown:

make that argument about half of the movies here. Yeah. I don't well, I you know,

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

I don't know, man. There's some, like, some

Jagger May:

stuff that's work when you watch, like, the whole Yeah. Like, the whole saga. You're like, man, I gotta do this.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Season this pre the sequel trilogy, like, I could potentially go back and watch the force awakens again. It's safe. They played it safe. It's kinda it's alright. In the last Jedi, you know, it had some redeeming things.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

It had some really glaring issues, but, like, I just don't, like can I just say I don't remember solo? That's what I struggled with, and I was trying I was like, what was there really besides, like, the childish Gambino perhaps being attracted to a robot? Like, I don't remember any oh, yeah. Amelia Carcage does and maybe Maul. You give me a little mall thing.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

That was, like, giving me Plagueis at the end of the acolyte. Come on, man. That like, that's not

Jagger May:

the way you do it. I did like the

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

head jacket.

Jagger May:

Train train heist. Yeah. That was kinda cool. That was

Alfredo Brown:

for Wait. Wait. Vig, what was your rating?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

I forgot it existed. To the next person. Oh, I don't

Jagger May:

know. I'll give it

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

an eight.

Jagger May:

That's higher than I gave it.

Alfredo Brown:

Yeah. I was like, you had some very tough talk.

Jagger May:

Yeah. You gave it a 12. That's very reasonable. You should be

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

die in hindsight. But I think in hindsight, solo should be nine and attack a clone should be eight. But I'll leave it at eight because I messed up.

Alfredo Brown:

Yeah. I'm just for the sake of time, I'm also at an eight. And I'm I'm gonna sound like I like it a lot more than vague. I just thought was a fun movie, but it was fine. We didn't need it.

Alfredo Brown:

We didn't need it. Like, there were some certain things that I liked. I didn't feel the weight of all the things that they were doing and how they were, they had con their their actions had consequences for the rebellion and against the empire. Like, it didn't quite hit the way it should have. It's a fun movie.

Alfredo Brown:

Like, that that's about it. I don't think we needed it, though, but I'll I'll give it eight out of 11 there.

Jagger May:

Yeah. I'll be I'll be brief too, and I'll kick it to cough here. It's a nine for me because it it it just feels so inconsequential. I'm big on canon and lore building a story. This didn't add anything.

Jagger May:

You know? Like, oh, l three is a part of the Falcon. So does Lando wanna fuck the ship for three movies, four movies? You know? Like, I I don't know, man.

Jagger May:

There's just not a lot there, but it was fun. It was fun. Like, that first half of the movie, I was in. I was locked in. Even though Homeboy is a terrible Harrison Ford, he just doesn't he's just small as shit.

Jagger May:

Like, I just feel bad for him. And then

Alfredo Brown:

Oh, I didn't hate him. I didn't hate him.

Jagger May:

Yeah. I I didn't hate him. I just said he he had a lot against him. But it was just too long for me because it kinda ruined Hans' character at the if they would've just kinda ended it after the Kessel run, it might have been alright. You know?

Jagger May:

Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. But then it was just like, oh, I backstabbed you. I told you, kid.

Jagger May:

Can't trust anybody. It's like, okay. We're doing this shit. And then it was just like, well, now I'm gonna help the rebellion even though my whole thing is how I'm a cunt and I wanna help the rebellion. Like, the movies, it just, like, you know, I

Matthew Kopfhamer:

don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I have this at I have this at seven a lot for the same a lot of the same reasons. Like, it was fun, but mostly forgettable.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

There's a couple of set pieces that were really cool. I liked showing him as a, like, a mud trooper or whatever when he gets forced into subscription. I think that was cool. But, yeah, the biggest complaint I have is the pacing. It's just entirely too long.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

And it just has almost too many, like, false climaxes where it's like, okay. This is gonna be the the penultimate part of the movie, and we're gonna oh oh, it's still going. Okay. Cool. I guess.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Yeah. It's just a why kind of weird. Like, why did you do this?

Alfredo Brown:

Like Yeah.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Yeah. I mean, like, it just it I think, Alfredo, you said it. It subtracts more than it adds for me. Like, I really wish Yeah. I did.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Great potential to take an iconic character and add to the lore. Like, Jack said, like, I think we're all nerds here. We love the lore. And, man, this one just kinda muddied all of it for me.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

They they were they were checking the boxes. They're like, okay. We have to have him get the falcon from Lando. Check. We gotta have him meet Chewy.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Check. We gotta have him do the Kessel Run. Check. Okay. Let's throw in a morality tale about helping, you know, people that are being oppressed by the empire.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Check.

Jagger May:

And that's where it's gone. It's like

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Yeah. That's that's where it falls apart. Yeah.

Alfredo Brown:

There was even more stuff in that too. Like, it felt like they were trying to fill gaps they didn't need to. Like, this is how he gets his name solo. Like Right. Yeah.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Yeah. That was that was a yeah.

Alfredo Brown:

And then and then later on in episode four, he's just like, you believe in all that stuff, the force? I don't believe that all that is real. And it's like, you you were pretty force adjacent, like, around all these people that kind of knew about it. Yeah. Like, you're gonna say, like, you don't even believe it's real?

Alfredo Brown:

Yep. It it was yeah.

Jagger May:

You just ruined his character. Yeah. It takes and and it's one that, like, now that we we've talked about doing this show for a while. And, like, every May I watch the whole saga, like, Obi Wan's not on my list. I may I'm removing solo from the list because it just like, even the fun parts don't feel fun anymore.

Jagger May:

You know?

Alfredo Brown:

What's what's wild is we have this many complaints, but, like, we just we don't find the movie egregious. It's just it's it's one of the worst things a movie can be, which It's

Matthew Kopfhamer:

just unnecessary. Yep. Yeah. It's an unnecessary movie. It's not a terrible movie.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

It's just completely unnecessary to what

Jagger May:

we like.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Fun but forgettable

Jagger May:

at number eight.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

We're gonna we're

Jagger May:

gonna we're

Alfredo Brown:

gonna get to some un we're gonna get to some unnecessary and terrible

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

movies later. Terrible movies later.

Alfredo Brown:

But this one is just has a special place in our heart right now. Rogue one, Jack, kick us off.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Two. Better be two,

Alfredo Brown:

I'm saying.

Jagger May:

Yeah. I was about to say it. It'll it'll be two. The you know what would make this one? And I know this is a small a small tiny detail.

Jagger May:

If they would recut it with the Andor music, the the music in Andor just like it the I literally want to revolt against my own government every time I I hear it. You know? Like, every time, like, the Andor Opera comes on, I'm like, fuck. Yeah. Let's get the ski mask on.

Jagger May:

Like, let's go to the courthouse to cause some riot.

Alfredo Brown:

Don't lie. You don't need the music.

Jagger May:

No. I don't. But, like, it does

Alfredo Brown:

to go.

Jagger May:

Same to music. It does help. It does help. But it's just a good story, and it it just this era of rogue one, and this is what, and I will say the show's elevated even more. Rogue one was probably would be four for me or maybe three.

Jagger May:

It would still be up there, but what keeps it from being, like or excuse me. What puts it to number two is that this era of Star Wars is just beautiful. It has all the great things. We all we know what's going on with rebels at the same time. All the context we've had with Andor.

Jagger May:

It goes from just being a story about homeboy who gets a special lightsaber and and is, like, the galaxy's best nepo baby to, like, a real people story of sacrifice. And it just shows you don't need a lightsaber. It would be interesting. I mean, like like I showed I showed you guys what I mean. Like, Krennic is just a project management and middle management.

Jagger May:

He's a villain that we've all we all we've all had. You know? He's an everyday villain that just happens to run, the the deadliest project known to the galaxy.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

What's great about it too is it also gives us, like, a redemption story when you look at the Galen and Jyn Erso story. Because Galen Erso, he is still responsible for helping to bring the Death Star to fruition. Now granted, he was able to put a flaw in it and then pass that flaw along. But just as easily, they the rebellion could have, as we saw in Endor, could have ignored that piece of intel as a trap or as a nonreliable piece of intel. And then that flaw doesn't matter because no one knows about it.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

So we do get this beautiful, like, full circle moment of Galen trying to get away from the empire and yet being dragged back into it, but still finding his way to rebel against this gigantic machine. And so not only does his sacrifice mean something, but then his daughter continues it by getting those plans to the rebellion. And then, like, she dies in, you know, one of the most devastating endings of a Star Wars stories ever. So, yeah, I I also give it a right there at number two, just because the emotion it's able to hit, how gritty it is for a Star Wars story is is incredible to me. And and or the these two seasons of Andors have just elevated to to that new level for me that it's this is the new gold standard of what Star Wars should be moving forward.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Whether it's not as gritty or not, it should just the the quality and the care that was taken with the story and with these characters, it's astounding. And if this is not what they do moving forward with Star Wars, then it's a failure.

Jagger May:

Yeah. It's like Tony Good Gilroy was like, you know, what if we made it just a good movie? Yeah. What about lightsabers? Maybe.

Jagger May:

I don't know.

Alfredo Brown:

Don't need them.

Jagger May:

Don't need them.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

But when we get them when we get them at the end, you get them done in a masterful way. So I think I'm gonna be maybe the only human in the planet who says this, and I might get ripped apart because, I I mean, I'm not that much higher. I honestly do think that this is the number one Star Wars movie of them And Okay. And, you know, people are gonna talk about the empire strikes back. I love it.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

If you'd asked me maybe, like, a few months ago, I may have said that. I haven't finished seeing Andor yet. I that, like, impact I keep hearing about the emotional impact of Andor season two. I haven't finished seeing it. As you all know, have a kid, but, like, to me, the that whole ethos of the star wars expanded universe, like, my favorite stories were were not the Star Wars trilogy that we watch, but Timothy Zahn's, heir to the empire trilogy, even though it includes it's basically the Skywalker saga expanded.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

But you just you really get to know what Star is about, and I think they do a masterful job here of making the empire actually seem, like, oppressive and scary and large with stunning visuals too, like, know, the tropical battles of Scarif, like, the Citadel Tower being as haunting as it is. Vader's obvious, like, hallway slaughter scene that you know, I talked about Vader being so neutered by the prequel trilogy, and I almost forgot that when I watched rogue one because you actually say, okay. This is what Vader can do. No wonder he has this, like, mythos about him. And it's just the third class of this movie, I think, is a master class intention and bridges together the prequel and original trilogies and actually it makes the prequel trilogies better.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

I just really love that it's a great, great, great Star Wars story that didn't need everything else that I loved about Star Wars, and that's what made it so magical for me.

Alfredo Brown:

I almost put this movie at number three, and I rewatched it today after having watched Andor, you know, finishing that, you know, over a week ago. And I watched and there's times where, man, if you want to, you can try to nitpick on, like, small things like Cassian would never do that. Like, he's he's hardcore now. You know? Like, there's little things you can try to pick apart, but it's such a phenomenal movie.

Alfredo Brown:

It's such a phenomenal movie. And the reason I couldn't keep it at three and I have it at two is because there's not really a dull moment in the movie. And the more you sit there and watch, especially after watching Indoor, Cassian becomes such a better character. First time around, you're almost watching it just as a Jin story, and you're kind of like, Why do I care about Jin? Also, like, Chirrut's really cool.

Alfredo Brown:

So I kind of like him and K2 makes me laugh. And you're just like, This has a lot. This has a really cool formula for Star Wars. It's a good movie. But now and that's why I asked the question of the context earlier after the show, you care so much more about Cassian, a character who gave you no reason to really care about him throughout the movie.

Alfredo Brown:

You just if anything, the movie, he almost felt dull. Like, he didn't have a direction. Like, he was just kind of there. This made Cassian such a better character, the show of Andor, that this it's honestly it's gotta be number two on the Star Wars list of movies.

Jagger May:

K two, something I wanna bring up as well. He is the best droid in Star Wars. Yeah. This it's not even close. The people that like r two d two, r two d two is a plot device that is annoying and kind of a a bitch.

Jagger May:

And I mean that, like, not like he, like, bitches out. He's just Jag

Alfredo Brown:

also hates Chopper, though, too. What?

Jagger May:

I'm sorry. What tech when technology starts dictating the plot here to a point where I'm like, like, buddy, I'll just put a fucking laser through your brain and get a new droid if you're gonna hold information from me the whole time. Like, it's just it's crazy how much power this one astrojoy does, but I'm gonna say that rant for time later. Alright.

Alfredo Brown:

Alright. Next up on here, episode four, A New Hope, the movie that started it all. Koff, let's start with you. Where did you rank this?

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I have it at number three for me.

Alfredo Brown:

Because like you

Matthew Kopfhamer:

said, it's the story that kicks it off. It's the first Star Wars movie I ever watched. For me, it's just a a place of like, it's it's a sign of respect that it maybe doesn't hold up from an an effect standpoint. And, yeah, some of the dialogue's a little choppy and a little

Jagger May:

All of it.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Little cringe worthy. Yeah. A little bit. But that finale with the the trench run is just so iconic. And Luke turning off the targeting system and trusting the force, and it it finding its way to to the the exhaust port and blowing up the Death Star.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I mean, what a fantastic way to to finish that

Alfredo Brown:

long scene. It's a long scene, and it's a really good one that keeps you, like, in engaged.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

It's it's enthralling. Yeah. It's an enthralling scene. You know, there's so much you can say from just a literal like, this provides you with a sense of hope for the future. And it just to me, it's one of the best Star Wars stories that's ever been told.

Jagger May:

Clea went to backside after seeing that

Matthew Kopfhamer:

So yeah.

Jagger May:

Of course.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

That's her. She's just steaming in the back. It's such a good story that they decided to repeat it for episode seven.

Alfredo Brown:

Yeah. Know. Right? Yeah.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Yeah. So I won't take up too much time here except I gotta say shout out h k forty seven and I g eleven, my two favorite personal droids in the star wars universe.

Jagger May:

11. Who's who's h k?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

You gotta play knights of the old republic, if you ever played that video game. Best star actually, that might be the best star wars story, period. But that's a story for another day, and h k forty seven's a fun joy there. But, new hopes in at number three. I'm not gonna belabor the point too much.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Everything Koffhammer said. This is the movie that makes every kid wanna run out and, you know, at least our age, run around with lightsabers and, like, brought the I talked about what gave me the sense of joy and wonder. I just remember that one day, I was at a friend's house, and I'd never heard of star wars. I'm, like, in grade school of some kind. And they're like, we're gonna put on a movie.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

I think I stayed up to, like, 4AM, and I was like, just wanna watch them on. I binged through, like, all of those movies, and it it it it's pretty clunky. The the dialogue is terrible. The visual effects the practical effects are stunning. Right?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Like, the death star run that you do, the moss, like, the alien sort of hustle and hustle of at Mos Eisley's. But, honestly, it's just it's hard to drop it any further. I feel like I can watch that movie any day and still be happy.

Alfredo Brown:

Episode four for me, it's not only just that it started it all, but the movie has to be good if you're able to continue such a universe from this. And what it did was just to lay this groundwork, give us this universe of all these characters that, honestly, moviegoers had no reason to give a fuck out. So many different characters and all these different planets, and then you're going to a cantina, and then you're going to some big space station, and you're learning about some all mythical force that penetrates you and binds you and all that, and you're a little kinky.

Jagger May:

Okay.

Alfredo Brown:

But at the that was the Obi Wan's literal words. The direct fucking quotes, sir. Okay? Obi Wan's into some shit. It binds

Matthew Kopfhamer:

us all and penetrates us. It's all around us.

Alfredo Brown:

But it's it's honestly it's just it's gonna sound so corny when I say it. It was just the magic of the world building. Like, that's honestly what it was that makes it that makes the movie so good for not just for its time, but even now. And you can almost, like you said, Vic, you could put it on whenever. It's like a comfort food that when you put this movie on, it's still good.

Alfredo Brown:

And the cantina scene with Obi Wan, with Han, with all them, it's fantastic. Running through the Death Star, that like them getting in the trash compactor Han being like, we're all good over here. Everything's fine. How are you? Like, there's just those moments where you get a little bit of realism and humor and you get introduced to this amazing character of Princess Leia, who there weren't a lot of strong female characters.

Alfredo Brown:

There was a lot of stuff here where Star Wars was going out on a limb for the first time in really in cinema. And I have to respect that. So for me, it's out of three. Jag, you seem very against what all of us are saying right now. I've seen your face this whole time.

Jagger May:

I'm not against it. It's just Well, it's trash. No. I I just it's an eight. What?

Alfredo Brown:

Hold up.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Hold up.

Jagger May:

Hold up.

Alfredo Brown:

Star Wars, A New Hope is eight out of 11, and episode two is

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Oh my god. Is four. Revenge is one.

Alfredo Brown:

Jack's like, fuck you guys. I'm going home. I'm gonna go watch all these movies. So

Jagger May:

I just don't have as much I it's not even that it's old. I watch old movies. It's just kinda fucking terrible, terribly written, guys. But George Lucas is a bad writer. He's he's a bad writer.

Alfredo Brown:

Completely agree. Completely agree. He Fuck. You made Attack of the Clones four.

Jagger May:

That has a plot. That has a good plot, and he did this. And he didn't like, I'm just saying, dude, and he didn't direct that one, and it kinda shows sometimes, like, a lot. You know? Like, I'm just here's what it is.

Jagger May:

The world building here's why I disagree. You said the world building, it builds no world besides that. This is a war and rebel and we're rebelling. That that's the world.

Alfredo Brown:

Absolutely not.

Jagger May:

Here's the

Alfredo Brown:

force. Watch the same movie

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

we did, dog. You did not watch

Jagger May:

the video. Finish. Let me finish. Here's the force. We explained nothing about it except you can do cool magical shit.

Jagger May:

To be fair, most of Star Wars is kinda like that. The force, what is it? It's a plot device.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

It's whatever you need it to be.

Jagger May:

Yeah. The dialogue on Medi Calrains. Listenable. Like, have you ever tried to talk to a new Star Wars fan and get him to watch? Like and that's kind of what my criteria is is, like, what is something that's enjoyable that you can hop right into and stands alone?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Like A new hope.

Jagger May:

No. A new hope gets better because of the empire strikes back. That's the segue. Boom. Done.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

But you wanna watch the empire strikes back after you watched the new hope because you feel like, well, here's more to this story. Dude, how can you say there's not world building here? Sometimes you do show

Alfredo Brown:

not almost it's almost exclusively world building to the detriment of the story.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

You could you could say it's world destroying because they blew up Alderaan.

Alfredo Brown:

Oh, okay.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Okay. Alright. We we that yeah.

Alfredo Brown:

But it's gonna pass. On to the next one.

Jagger May:

The best the best Star Wars stuff that we just said and or was made to fix a fucking plot hole in a new hope, Essentially, they're like, so they made this one butthole in into the Death Star that you could shoot and kill it. Like, come on, guys.

Alfredo Brown:

I don't know if that's a plot hole.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Exactly.

Jagger May:

It's a literal plot hole.

Alfredo Brown:

I it is a I think it's it's not a plot hole. I think it's I think it's a con it's a plot convenience. Yeah. I agree. But it's like but then, like, they came and revisited that again where they're like, oh, by the way, in return of the jet like, whatever.

Alfredo Brown:

Whatever. We'll we'll get there. Well because there's there's more stuff. They blow up the same fucking death star three times throughout Star Wars. Like, the empire doesn't learn their lesson.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I I don't even know do these guys.

Jagger May:

Obviously, I like these movies, but A New Hope feels like homework. That's my argument.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Okay. Fair enough. It's okay.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Gonna drop down those ranks.

Alfredo Brown:

That was really upsetting. Yeah. That was upsetting. By the way, Vig, you and I have almost the exact same ranking.

Jagger May:

Do we?

Alfredo Brown:

Oh, good. Except I have Rogue One at two, and you have it at one. And I have Empire. Exactly.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

I'm the only We're up next at Empire.

Alfredo Brown:

I can't Let's go. Let's go, Vig.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I miss Yeah. Let's go to empire.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Strikes back at number two. I think from the majority of my life, the empire strikes back would have been number one for a million different reasons that everyone has already shared or is going to share. But, honestly, just I think rogue rogue one hits a little differently because it's not just the Sky walker story. I think, right, obviously, Empire Strikes iconic visuals, like, hot and Cloud City and Dagobah and Yoda's introduction. You got this asteroid chase.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

List like you know? I think everybody remembers, unless it was spoiled for you, when you finally hear the whole, like, revelation about Vader being Luke's father, and it kinda shakes everything for you a little bit. I think it's just a really great blend of grit and grandeur, and it's just it is one for most people for a reason. It's two for me for all the same reasons.

Alfredo Brown:

It's the most commonly misquoted line.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

It is. It's not Luke. I'm you're probably right. It is. It's the most commonly misquoted.

Alfredo Brown:

No. I am your father.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I am your father.

Alfredo Brown:

Yeah. I've I've got this I've got this at one. I've got this at one. Like, it's

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Everybody does, dude. It's there's A per Jagger, I guess.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

A Jagger.

Alfredo Brown:

And Jagger's like eleven. I got two ones for you, There's not a moment in this movie where you're just like, okay. Maybe they could speed this up. You're just enjoying every single bit of it, whether they're introducing a new character, whether they've got you on a new planet, whether there's a a new detriment to our characters, something that they have to overcome. I think opening up this movie on Hoth was such a great choice, finishing it with the fight where Luke and Vader and you have the reveal.

Alfredo Brown:

I mean, it's it's the first time where you're actually afraid for your characters. So I think throughout episode four, you're not really like, Oh, damn, Han and Chewy and Luke and Leia probably might not make it. You're like, No, they have to make it like that's that's the vibe of that movie. This is the first time where you're like, Well, damn, Hans frozen carbonite. And, you know, it's just can they really trust this Lando guy?

Alfredo Brown:

And, like, does the rebellion actually gonna lose now to the empire? You start to ask all these questions, and it's just I I I can't say enough good things about it. Empire strikes back at one for me. Jag, go ahead. Hit us with an eleven or whatever the fuck it is.

Alfredo Brown:

I don't know.

Jagger May:

Well, fuck you, Alfredo. It's actually three. It's actually three.

Alfredo Brown:

There's not

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

much left. You go.

Jagger May:

Yeah. It's like it's I I think this was like, cough, where'd you have it at 221?

Matthew Kopfhamer:

No. I have it at one.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

He's got it at one. Okay. Here we go.

Jagger May:

Yeah. So it's just like, I don't to me, this is what got me into the old Star Wars because, Alfredo, you made a key point. They re released Star Wars, the the original trilogy for Phantom Menace. I remember watching the first one. You were correct about the, the, Death Star scene, but this one was like, I was just locked in.

Jagger May:

From Hoth, you get, like, so many things when you're talking about selling toys. That's how you fucking sell toys. I had a model a t a t that I put together, like like like, the Outdoor Boys had model cars.

Alfredo Brown:

It correctly, by the way.

Jagger May:

Yeah. Not at at at. And at at at. Get the fuck out.

Alfredo Brown:

Because then what's the other one? What's the other one? Atsta?

Jagger May:

Atsta. Atsta. I had a model AT AT. I do have a model AT ST as well, an Atsta. But it it was just cool.

Alfredo Brown:

It's a whole generation of Star Wars fans walking around sounding like they just have a speech impediment. Yeah. Because they couldn't say the fucking toy right.

Jagger May:

Sorry. And that's why you didn't get the toy because you told it to your parents like an asshole. No. But the iconic scene in it's one of the biggest reveals in film history. This is like this movie is iconic in every sense.

Jagger May:

It is critically iconic. It is iconic as a Star Wars fan. It is just good. I felt like it is one of the few Star Wars movies that don't have a pacing in a pacing issue. It's the only one where you're like, fuck.

Jagger May:

It's over. But, actually, like, at the end of it, you're like you're like, damn. We're just gonna end it on here. It's actually how I felt after Fellowship of the Ring. Fellowship of the ring is the first time I've ever

Alfredo Brown:

been hurt. Mad.

Jagger May:

Yeah. Like, as a kid, you watch that. You're like, bullshit. We're gonna end on here. This is how this movie, if made me feel as a kid.

Jagger May:

You know? But at least I had Return of the Jedi afterwards. So I have no complaints. And if anything, like, this movie is almost a 10 out of 10. Just the other movies do so much things, other things for me to put it ahead of it.

Jagger May:

So

Alfredo Brown:

I've never been more mad as a teenager than the end of fellowship of the

Jagger May:

ring. They that we are we were all we were there, damn.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Let's go fuck

Jagger May:

off on that boat. We were all there together.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Sorry. I don't know what what else I can really add. I mean, this is number one for me for all the reasons everyone has said. I I guess the only thing I can add is this was back when Star Wars was still not afraid to cut limbs off. And the fact that Luke lost his hand to his daddy, woof.

Jagger May:

Gangster shit. Talk of Gang shit.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Yes. Yes. And then for his then for him to be like, and I'm your dad, bitch.

Jagger May:

Like, that was a

Alfredo Brown:

It felt like they were almost exclusively cutting limbs off. Like, episode four, Obi wan cuts an arm. Episode five, they cut Luke's hand. You're like, alright. We gotta up this up.

Alfredo Brown:

Let's get a Sarlacc pit for the next one.

Jagger May:

Yeah. They're straight up like it. Vader was just like, welcome to the show to his own kid.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

You're You're in for the big time now, boy. Yeah. It's it's just like, there's so many iconic scenes from it that it it has to be in the top three if if not number one for you.

Jagger May:

It created the the the gulp shit of all glopped shittos in Boba Fett. Boba Fett, he just walked in a room, said, like, one fucking line. Everyone just like, give this to

Matthew Kopfhamer:

y'all for from Vader, and you're like, wait. Wait. What does that mean? When Vader says no disintegrations, what are you talking about? What?

Matthew Kopfhamer:

What? Yeah. And then yeah. And then he dies like a bitch the next the next episode.

Jagger May:

Hey. It's

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Well, I guess he didn't die, technically.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Does he does

Jagger May:

he die?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Okay. I was gonna say.

Alfredo Brown:

Spoiler alert.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Well, if you

Jagger May:

if you Pat

Matthew Kopfhamer:

and the show

Alfredo Brown:

are basically right. Wrote the Boba Fett story. Perfect. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's a really great name.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Just Google it. Filibuster from Parks and Rec.

Alfredo Brown:

Yes. We panned down from the twin sons of Tatooine. Next on here. Episode six, return of the Jedi. Wow.

Alfredo Brown:

Who started us in the last one? Was that

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

was that I did. I just jumped into it, and I said it's number

Alfredo Brown:

number two for me. I'll start us off with this one. Return of the Jedi, I rewatched again recently. I've got it at seven. It's it's got a lot of boring moments.

Alfredo Brown:

It's got some cool stuff. Don't get me wrong. I think like the Sarlacc pit was like, oh, damn, and fighting the rank, Corey, you're like, that's kind of cool. And then, you know, teenage Alfredo was like, hey, lay in the bikini thing. Like, that kind of became that that became a big thing for for a lot of people.

Alfredo Brown:

Don't don't judge me, Internet. Everyone liked it. So you get fucked.

Jagger May:

He's getting defensive without anyone even saying anything. I don't Right? We do. I listen, and we do.

Alfredo Brown:

I can just I can just feel the energy of the people watching this right now. It's like

Jagger May:

You know, I went live, and he's like, fuck you. Like We're like an

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

hour in. I don't know that anyone's still watching. If you are, just let us know that you are. But I don't

Alfredo Brown:

do that. Yeah. Fuck. Yes. They are.

Alfredo Brown:

Absolutely.

Jagger May:

If anything, they're here to motherfuck me and my rankings at this point. They're waiting.

Alfredo Brown:

They're waiting for Jack to put rides Skywalker in his top three.

Jagger May:

Uh-uh. Oh, fuck. Uh-uh.

Alfredo Brown:

Okay. Return of the Jedi. I have it at what did I say? I have it at Seven. Seven.

Alfredo Brown:

Seven. Yeah. There's just, like, there's some fun stuff on on Endor with the speeder bikes, but then Endor is also where you have the Ewoks, and you got some boring shit and, Luke going back for Yoda to die, and then you get the, like, kind of the convenience of there is another Skywalker. And then he's like, oh, it's Leia. Like, he he just he didn't even, like, take time to have to figure it out.

Alfredo Brown:

He's like, oh, it's her. And, like, we just never really

Matthew Kopfhamer:

We made out. Kissed.

Alfredo Brown:

Like yeah. Like, there's there's just enough things in there that make me go, this it kinda sputtered out the the way the original trilogy ended. So seven for me. Jag, where you at?

Jagger May:

This is five for me, but it it's it's mainly for, like, pacing. Again, you know what the problem is for Star Wars? Like, who is your editor, dawg? Like, just take out so much of this shit, and you got,

Matthew Kopfhamer:

like ex wife.

Jagger May:

Oh, fuck. Well, you mean it You got You mean for words? Because you got that's like a whole I don't know is. Yeah. She got Yoko.

Jagger May:

Oh, man. She means she made it better.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Yeah. You gotta hear about She was

Matthew Kopfhamer:

the reason that episode four. Yeah. Episode four was worse without her editing. Yeah.

Jagger May:

Damn, dawg. Because that's like to me, there's like a whole other thirty minutes you should've cut out of that. I'm like, you know how many times I've watched Return of the Jedi, and I haven't, like, watched it? I've just, like, came to, and I'm like, what the fuck just happened? You know?

Jagger May:

It's just like, as soon as I get on indoor, that happens to me that that's my brain just zooming the fucking app. It's like I'm just like, I you're worshiping c three p o? Like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah.

Alfredo Brown:

Alright. You have it at five. Cop, or do you have it?

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I have it at six. By far, my least favorite of the original trilogy, especially given the fact that I read somewhere the original plan was the Ewoks were gonna be Wookiees, it was gonna possibly be on Kashyyyk.

Jagger May:

Would've so much better.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

That would've been better movie. Better. Such a better movie. But they didn't have the budget to do a full Wookiee army at the time. So You know?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Also, I don't think you can build a Death Star over Kashyyyk. The Wookiees are, like, master warriors. Right? Like, I don't know. They could have made it better.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

But they got I don't know. And that's the other problem I have with it is without context of, Andor and all that, it's like, okay. So the the big we're doing another Death Star. That's their big plan. They're just doing the same thing again.

Alfredo Brown:

Run it back.

Jagger May:

Paul Palpatine's

Alfredo Brown:

like ball up top. Let's run

Jagger May:

it back.

Alfredo Brown:

They won't do it twice.

Jagger May:

He's just he's a coach. They won't like, they'll never see it come. He's like, kid, man. He's just spamming four verticals. Fucking yeah.

Jagger May:

Literally.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

And it's like, okay. So the ultimate evil's plan in the universe just did the same thing that they already lost that. Cool, I guess. That makes sense. This time, they're gonna have a separate shield for it.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Sure. Why not? So, yeah, to me, it's just it's a little it felt a little lazy when it's like, alright. Cool. We're just doing it again.

Alfredo Brown:

I love I love every NFL coach from the nineties. Like, let's just keep running after

Jagger May:

Halfback smash. Yeah. Just go.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Which again makes episode seven even more hilariously bad that their plan was like, just do it again, but bigger. Do it again. They'll never see it coming.

Alfredo Brown:

Can't fight a planet.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Yeah. Apparently, you can.

Jagger May:

That's no planet.

Alfredo Brown:

Babe, where'd you

Jagger May:

have this one?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Same, man. I did you say five cough. I think I I

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I had seven, five, and

Alfredo Brown:

six for this one.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Let me double check. I have to go back and change my screen. Yeah. It's five is where I have it. So same stuff.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

It's it's plenty fine. It's Pretty mid. I think it's it's I think it's higher because the other movies are just so much more garbage for me. Again, I'm coming at this at, like, a sense of wonder and magic, and and it's fine. The other movies are just so

Jagger May:

It's like five by default? It's like Yeah. It's five by default.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Like, it doesn't make sense in a like, let's just do another Death Star. You guys talked about, like, we're gonna go free Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt. This is our plan. Zero sense.

Jagger May:

It just, like I thought that was one of the best parts. So that's, like, not that's bad. That's fine. Work.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

The plan is stupid. It works, so it makes it okay. But it's just it's Protective.

Jagger May:

I don't

Alfredo Brown:

I don't know, man. Luke being a Jedi knight and not being able to sense a trapdoor, like, just really

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Maybe he knew us there. He his midichlorians weren't great then. Yeah. But, you know, the if solo was fun, but forget

Alfredo Brown:

It was shooting up midis at the gym. If it was

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

fun, forgettable. This was fun and not that forgettable. So it's number five by default. Alright.

Alfredo Brown:

Next on here, Jack, we'll start with you. That means a seven part,

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

or can I just tell you

Alfredo Brown:

that these movies suck? Do I

Jagger May:

like you? Like I gotta I've got one last semi hot take. It's I don't know. I would say it's it's lukewarm. I think Force Awakens

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

I see what you

Alfredo Brown:

did there.

Jagger May:

Was alright. It was it's a seven There we go. Good. I'm with you. Like, get where Koff is at where they did the same thing, but I think knowing how sensitive Star Wars fans are, you almost had to do a safe thing.

Jagger May:

And they they made a a start to a trilogy that I was excited. I went in to watch The Last Jedi because I watched Looper with Rian Johnson. I'm like, they about to fucking cook. I saw the trailers. I saw how it ended.

Jagger May:

I saw the vision. And I'm okay with having a soft relaunch in that way that I had fun. It was still fun when I rewatched it just now because as you guys know, I and you guys don't know watching, but these sawmys know I just watched the new trilogy in order. I'd never had seen the Rise of Skywalker, so I did the whole thing. Force Awakens

Alfredo Brown:

is Still rubbing those parts

Jagger May:

out of your eyes. I'm so sorry. Dude. Yeah. The Force The Force Awakens, I think, was what a new hope could have been.

Jagger May:

You know, let's say they had all the money in the world. Let's say George Lucas, he just spit out an idea and gave it to a real writer and his wife wasn't trying to make him happy and did some real editing. It's an alright movie. That's my pitch. Cough?

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I have it at nine because, again, to me, it was the laziest way they could have kicked off the the sequel trilogy, and you're right. They went for a safe play. But to me, safe doesn't equal good. So and you're right. I could see what they're trying to set up and with the new generation, and I didn't I didn't mind any of the characters in episode seven.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Like, I thought they, you know, it was a it was good introduction to Ray and and Poe and and even Kylo Ren, even though I did laugh my ass off in the theater when he revealed his face and it's Adam Driver. And I'm like, what are we doing?

Alfredo Brown:

He was kinda sexy. Like, his hair just washed and brushed and everything out of the helmet.

Jagger May:

It's like,

Matthew Kopfhamer:

what what are we doing? This this man is too pretty to have it. Like, why are we putting a mask on a pretty boy? But again, to me, it just felt so lazy. And and then the two movies after the fact make it worse, in my opinion, in retrospect.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

So for me, I'm easily putting it at number nine. I would rather watch Attack of the Clones more, like, on repeat for twenty four hours than rewatch

Jagger May:

Oh, no.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Force awakens.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

You know, but, Copper, you make a great point. It's at number seven for me, and I'm not gonna blabber everything. I think the reason it dropped so much lower is because it has two movies that came after it. I think on its own, it's probably more fun and not as forgettable even as, you know, what did I just say for, like, the return I I actually think it's a better movie than Return of the Jedi in many ways. I know I gave it a higher

Jagger May:

It's kinda. It's more fun. It's more fun. It's more fun.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

It's fun. Definitely, definitely, definitely is in a lot of ways. It's just it's absolutely being dragged down by the dog shit that came after it.

Jagger May:

Yeah. I also don't like the fact

Matthew Kopfhamer:

that if if you think about it, the force awakens throws away everything that, like, Anakin sacrificed at the end of Return of the Jedi. You know, his redemption arc is thrown away because the the first order just comes back. Like, everything that he did

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

I disagree with

Matthew Kopfhamer:

that. Again, it's like, it's it's you're showing us, like, the rebellion Wasn't everything still

Alfredo Brown:

continuing after his everything continuing after his death regardless? Like, you have heir to the empire. You have so many factions out there still doing that.

Jagger May:

I was like like, please watch it or read not read it, but Google the aftermath trilogy. Like, that that that part did not bother me whatsoever. I mean,

Matthew Kopfhamer:

but, again, the fact that the first the the fact that the first order was able to come back under the New Republic's nose is like, okay. So we learned nothing in the interim between empire or return of the Jedi and this movie. So it just felt like they dismantled a lot of stuff that they were working towards in the original trilogy just for the sake of a safe play. And that's what bothered me some of the most of this movie is, like, nothing changed. Nothing in this universe changed.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

We just slapped the

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

new That's okay, dude. That's real life, man. That's what happens. Look at look at us now. Things don't change.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

We we're all Yeah.

Jagger May:

As we go.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Like, I think that's okay. Like unfortunately.

Jagger May:

Definitely read up on that plot. Like, the like, Pat would, like You have to. They fixed yeah. They fixed that. Like like, to be honest, the force awakens, like, no one read any book or anything, and they just made a fucking trilogy, and that's what happened.

Jagger May:

But, like, all of this was explained at some point, and that's not fair for sometimes, and that doesn't excuse the movie, but I guess. But yeah. I don't know. I won't linger. Sorry, Alfredo.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Yeah. Where do have a Jack? He

Alfredo Brown:

already said.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

He already said.

Alfredo Brown:

Said. Never so

Jagger May:

left Alfredo.

Alfredo Brown:

Jack has it at seven. Cough at nine. Vig at seven.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

I got it at five.

Jagger May:

That's okay.

Alfredo Brown:

I thought it I thought it was a fun movie. Yeah. It is. It was the most excited I had been about Star

Jagger May:

Wars

Alfredo Brown:

in in a long time. And, yes, they absolutely played on the nostalgia of it all. But you know what? This is the Spider Man no way home of Star Wars. Like, they just they brought in Toby and Andrew Garfield, and that's that's them bringing in Han and Chewy and Leia and, like, let's just run it back, do the same thing.

Alfredo Brown:

Let's essentially fight the same villains. And we liked that. And I liked this. And there there wasn't really a character in here where I was like, God, get them out of here. Like, a lot

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

of our main complaints have

Alfredo Brown:

been like, oh, that character was terrible or this dialogue was terrible or the effects or the the the set pieces looked bad or there was plot holes. Like, that didn't really occur too much in this movie. Did it happen later in the trilogy? Yes. But I don't wanna I don't wanna put the sins of those later movies on this one.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

It's hard not to, though, man. They are so well, I I hear you. It should be

Alfredo Brown:

But then do that with all people. Is still like, right?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Yeah. It's so hard.

Alfredo Brown:

They're they're all connected in one way or another. Like, I think, bro, when when Kylo Ren stops a blaster,

Matthew Kopfhamer:

the blaster

Alfredo Brown:

like mid air and you're seeing that, like, they did some cool stuff. And in the first in that first movie, Ray is a very likable character. Finn is a very likable character. Poe, very likable character.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Isaac crushed that trilogy.

Alfredo Brown:

We're we're seeing we're seeing stormtroopers with their helmets off for the first time. We're seeing, like, how that's changed from being the clones to now being, like, kids that are being brought up into this and don't know anything else in their life. And, it was it was honestly there was a lot that was really cool about where they where they started to lose me was, like, the Snoke stuff and then where it went in the next movies. So for me, I put it in

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

my I almost forgot about it.

Jagger May:

I don't

Alfredo Brown:

know who said it. I don't know who said it, but, was it was it you, Jag, that said it's better than return or vague that says it's better than return of

Jagger May:

the Jedi?

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Think it's better. I put it I I think that's why lower, but I think it's better. Okay.

Jagger May:

Yeah. Let's clean it later.

Alfredo Brown:

Let's have some fun.

Jagger May:

Can we just can we just do these together? Like, let's just get all Yeah.

Alfredo Brown:

Yeah. Get an eleven

Jagger May:

for everybody. That doesn't matter what order.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Yep. Because Actually, 10:11. That's what they are for me. Ten and eleven.

Alfredo Brown:

I I wait. Does anyone have it in a different order? Last Jedi 10, Rise of Skywalker 11. Does anyone have it in

Matthew Kopfhamer:

a half different order?

Alfredo Brown:

And I think Rise of Skywalker has to be eleven for everybody because of just Dog.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

The word. It's not a movie.

Alfredo Brown:

It's like, it's

Jagger May:

not a movie. Only good thing is Finn's haircut. I was like, they finally got homeboy a good looking spade. Like and shit. That's, like, the only good thing.

Jagger May:

Well, it's not like

Matthew Kopfhamer:

All we have to say about it, literally.

Alfredo Brown:

The empire didn't the first order didn't have a good barber, man. Like,

Matthew Kopfhamer:

that's you gotta say about rise of Skywalker is somehow Palpatine returned. That's all you gotta know.

Jagger May:

Yeah. Dude, I

Alfredo Brown:

don't I don't think there's a phrase in cinematic history that has ruined an IP more than that. Mhmm.

Jagger May:

Man, or director, like, I genuinely

Matthew Kopfhamer:

a close second.

Jagger May:

Ryan Johnson, man, I think he made this had to have been a joke, return of the, The Last Jedi, man. Because, like, arguably, this could be 11 because it made, like, rise of Skywalker almost had never had a fucking shot at the end of it, maybe. I don't know what you could have done. Because he made such a egregiously bad movie that he almost it felt like he was making a satire. Like, now that I know what Rian Johnson has made after like, he's like, Looper is like, this is the only movie I'm gonna make like this.

Jagger May:

Everything else is gonna be Scooby Doo ass bullshit, which I actually really enjoy. But when you bring it into Star Wars, it is just garbage, man. Like like, straight up, he was making jokes like, the Skywalkers have to die. It literally like, it felt like he was straight up saying fuck you to an entire franchise to try to

Alfredo Brown:

redo to do another one, by the way. Dude I saw that this morning. He's like, I cannot wait to do another Star Wars movie if they ever give me the opportunity.

Jagger May:

They we will

Matthew Kopfhamer:

never rumor to get a trilogy. Yeah. He was supposed trilogy. So

Jagger May:

Get fucked, man. Like, you straight up shit on this movie. Like, get the fuck out of here, man. You tell me that you did that shit on purpose. Then you get like, I didn't know the the somehow Palpatine returns scene.

Jagger May:

I didn't know that was at the beginning of the fucking movie. I didn't know that the the scroll credits at the beginning were just like, we're gonna start off with the worst fucking plot line right from the jump. I thought this was, like, some type of reveal that they were gonna do. It it began bad and ended worse. Holy shit, man.

Jagger May:

This was hard to watch. It made me hope

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Oh, you didn't like the dagger scene with the with the Death Star ruins and, like, lining it up?

Jagger May:

I didn't like that. Steve Therapio died. This this these movies made me Steve Therapio. It made me a villain, dawg. Wait.

Alfredo Brown:

But that's but that movie wasn't Ryan Johnson, though. No. No.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

That was JJ.

Jagger May:

Oh, it's JJ. It's his fault

Matthew Kopfhamer:

that Ryan's fault.

Alfredo Brown:

That was JJ putting ketchup on a poorly done steak.

Jagger May:

Yes, dude.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Yes. Done.

Jagger May:

Like, it oh my god, man. Like, the whole see through oh, it's it, and I'm programmed. Do I can't read it? Get come the fuck on, dude. Like like

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

But you weren't about Babu Frick?

Jagger May:

I actually love Babu Frick. You know the you know the voice of Babu Frick is Myrtle, Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter? That's, like Great. Yeah. Like, actually, that's an interesting, like like, oh, droid memory go blank blank.

Jagger May:

Like, was just like, fuck yeah. Kill this homie. He's gonna withhold withhold information during a time like this. Like, just kill every like, at that point, I wanted everybody to die. I wanted Leia to die.

Jagger May:

I was like, you guys don't deserve to be alive because it's like watching your

Alfredo Brown:

grandpa Floating Leia. Floating Leia pissed

Matthew Kopfhamer:

me off.

Alfredo Brown:

Dude, so much.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Fucking This whole franchise

Jagger May:

Ugh. This franchise is like watching your grandpa have Alzheimer's, man. It was hard to fucking look at. You know? You're just Oh, no.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I mean, let's be honest. The way that the sequel trilogy's treated the legacy characters was just abysmal.

Jagger May:

Egre egregious.

Alfredo Brown:

Abysmal. It felt like they treated them consistently from the beginning. Like, they just had to die. Like, we and it's not, like, that that was the only option was to make

Matthew Kopfhamer:

the other characters

Alfredo Brown:

matter more. Had to kill them.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

You can give us the Chewy fake out death. Yeah. You have the chewy fake out death, and then they're like, they forget about them for the rest of the movie until they get to the metal scene. They're like, oh, we're gonna fix something from the original trilogy. Here's your metal, by the way.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

And it's like, man, fuck off. I hate this. I hate all of this.

Alfredo Brown:

Dude, there there were some things in which one was it? Last Jedi. You get some cool stuff on the planet on crate or whatever it is with, like, the the red stuff, like, on planet. I thought visually, Last Jedi might be one of the visual experiences. It might be I think it is the best visual experience in Star Wars.

Alfredo Brown:

You've got a ship that goes through another ship at light speed. You've got that cool

Matthew Kopfhamer:

sort of

Alfredo Brown:

you got that cool, like I don't wanna call it a throne room, but, like, the Snoke's throne room fight

Matthew Kopfhamer:

with It was not it's

Alfredo Brown:

Kylo Ren.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

If you go back and rewatch it, that that fight scene is not good. Like, the choreography is abysmal. You you will

Alfredo Brown:

have to movie more than twice. I

Jagger May:

saw it once

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

in Jaiders

Jagger May:

and then and then and once

Matthew Kopfhamer:

in You will see Rey, like, swinging wildly as, like, three dudes just stand there and, like, look at her. It's like, oh.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Alright. But, I

Alfredo Brown:

mean, not like they didn't do that in the prequels.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

You know, this brings up an interesting congregation as to, like, which movie actually ruined the franchise, to tell you the truth. Right? Because, like, the force awakens is It's just it's just it's not even You know, I potentially right? Yes and no in a way. I think they they lacked a cohesive vision for this whole series.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

There's an argument between what? Dude, no. For real. A lot of people loved the last Jedi, and I it made me wonder what am I missing that they really, really

Jagger May:

Name name these people.

Alfredo Brown:

Now they Okay. I I

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I There's a button. No.

Alfredo Brown:

No. No. There there are people. There is a there is a contingency of people. Hold on.

Jagger May:

Hold on.

Alfredo Brown:

There there is a contingency of people that really love this movie. And what they do is they say, this was different. They wanted to take Star Wars in a new direction because they saw episode seven was almost the exact same thing. They're like, ugh. Great.

Alfredo Brown:

They're just gonna keep feeding us the same fodder over and over. Okay. And they were excited that Star Wars was going in this different direction.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Let me sell you the life I

Alfredo Brown:

don't agree with differently.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Let me sell it to you a little differently perhaps. Right? It would have been actually kinda cool if Rey truly was a nobody and that the force sorta has these powerful people. It finally undermines this, like, Skywalker Palpatine blood being the life force of the strongest of the Jedi. Like, you could have actually killed off Leia in that movie and had a better emotional impact.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Kylo stepping up as a big bad. Forget what he does later. Like, if he actually truly becomes a big bad and you have a better characterization of his relationship with Snoke, you know, you actually could have sold me a different story. That whole, like, space gambling Vegas trip, whatever, you know, forget that sort of stuff.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

A bite.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

But, like, there were there were can see it. I can see how the last Jedi could have been something that gave us a different story that could have been the last Jedi leading into this mess of a movie with rise of skywalker, just there's no cohesive vision, which is why I think, like, in general, these two movies are at the absolute bottom. But I do think that the last Jedi could have set us up for a better it could have been better, of course, but it could have set us up for a different kind of finale rather than the absolute monstrosity we got.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

I think the rest had wheels, she'd be a bicycle. Like, would've

Jagger May:

could've shown

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

ten and eleven. Right? I still have it as absolute garbage.

Jagger May:

You're good.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Man, it really could've been so much.

Jagger May:

I love kept the same thing

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

and made it different. Unfortunately,

Matthew Kopfhamer:

you're right. They didn't have a vision, so they were just, like, throwing shit at the wall to see what stick, and nothing stuck because

Jagger May:

it was all just a mess.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Not perfect was actually kinda cool. Like, seeing Luke earlier.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

But he's going to take his

Jagger May:

self exit. But the anyway,

Matthew Kopfhamer:

self is just a repeat of what his mentors did.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

We're five steps forward and, like, 15 steps back. They have the steps forward. It's just every time they take steps forward, they take steps back in this movie, and that's what makes the last Jedi so hard to watch. And then the rise of skywalker just they had nothing to work with at that point, and they're like, you know what? We have nothing to work with.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Let's just make it even worse.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Of cut scenes.

Jagger May:

It and it's just like they they knew Leia was gonna die, man. It's it like, I'm sorry. They knew that Carrie Fisher, the actress, the person died. You had an opportunity right there to fix the plot, and then you did that. It's just it it's it's actually, Vic, you've kinda convinced me.

Jagger May:

There's a lot of good stuff there, but it is just cardinal sins, man. The lay afloat scene. The casino was I don't even hate it because I like, Benicio Del Toro, this character's kinda fucking cool. I like this little piece of shit. You know?

Jagger May:

But, like, I I don't know. There's just too much going on there. And the way they treated Luke, I'm not even clearly, I'm not a Luke Skywalker or original trilogy diehard. Clearly, I have a I I mean, I I got revenge of the sith first. I would never fucking do that to Luke Skywalker's character.

Jagger May:

I would have killed all these characters from old age or did something else before I would do that, what they did to him. It's just I'm okay with the isolation. I'm okay with the the fucking blue milk, whatever the fuck that was. But it just I I don't know, man. It just it really felt like they were intentionally killing off player, characters and being tongue in cheek about it, and it didn't work.

Alfredo Brown:

Yeah. There there was so much where I'm fine with Luke having these changes over time. Yes. Like, you have to remember what they so much of what they did was implied as opposed to actually happening. They did the tell, don't show.

Alfredo Brown:

And the way that they or the way they tried to show was, like, a quick flashback of Luke being scared that Kylo

Jagger May:

would I'm gonna kill my 12 year

Alfredo Brown:

old. That Ben would change. And and granted, it's a moment of weakness. That character Luke can have that, but they try to fit it in also fast. And I do believe, yes, Luke would, sentence himself to be away from everyone else on this other planet.

Alfredo Brown:

That's something that we could have hit in the ninth movie, right, where Luke dies there, helping to to whatever. Right? Like, there could have been so much else to it. I think they wasted a lot of opportunities. And then this last movie, honestly, they tried to fit in two or three movies into one movie and try to introduce characters that we weren't gonna care about except for you, Babu Frick.

Alfredo Brown:

Love you. Yeah. And then And give me your girlfriend.

Jagger May:

I was so confused. I was just like, oh, if if if homie's just going around the galaxy, you know, being a fuck And

Alfredo Brown:

they gave her the one other black character. It's

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Well, they tried to give him an Asian girlfriend, and the Internet was not having it. So

Alfredo Brown:

Hey. Hey. Finn

Jagger May:

wasn't having it. That's what's I was I was talking about. Some stereotypes hold up. Bro.

Alfredo Brown:

No. But okay. What else I'll finish it with this is that I think that the way that the movie ended, honestly, was someone at Disney was like, damn. Endgame really crushed. Endgame having all those heroes come through the portal and getting every single character to show up.

Alfredo Brown:

That was it. That's how you end a franchise. And that's what they did. They're like, oh, look.

Jagger May:

All

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

They ended the franchise alright.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

All the Jedi.

Alfredo Brown:

All the Jedi voices are here.

Jagger May:

Virgins assemble.

Alfredo Brown:

And, honestly, like, it was just a big a big misstep. Yeah. Alright, guys. Let's let's give the definitive list that we have here right now starting from the bottom, working our way up at, let's call this one. It's we did eleven.

Alfredo Brown:

Right? Yeah. So at eleven, we've got Rise of Skywalker. At ten, it's Last Jedi. At nine, Solo.

Alfredo Brown:

Eight, episode two, Attack of the Clones. At seven, The Force Awakens. At six, return of the Jedi. At five, phantom menace. At four, a new hope.

Alfredo Brown:

At three, revenge of the sith. And then we actually have a tie. We actually have a couple ties in here that I I misread. I'm sorry. Phantom Menace and Return of the Jedi are actually tied.

Alfredo Brown:

So you guys in the comments, let us know which one you have higher Phantom Menace or Return of the Jedi. And then at number one, we have another tie. Rogue One and Empire Strikes Back are both tied, so they're going be in the same tier. And, honestly, I'm happy with that. Like, I'm good.

Alfredo Brown:

These are these are just good films. Everything that's not those last three or the last two, honestly. I can live with solo being the worst one on our list. I don't even wanna have last Jedi or rise of skywalker on the list. Yeah.

Alfredo Brown:

I'm not gonna lie.

Jagger May:

I mean, the the the rise of skywalker, they just finished a franchise with, like, basically saying, we spent three movies having a problem because Palpatine wanted to transition into a little girl. Because that's what it felt like the entire time in there. He's just

Alfredo Brown:

He's he's homie from White Lotus?

Jagger May:

Yes. No. He's just He's like he's like, kill me so my soul will be in you. And I'm just like, buddy, like, you feel like I think you need therapy because you're making a galactic problem. Who

Matthew Kopfhamer:

are you? I'm Rey. Rey who? Rey Skywalker. That

Jagger May:

was they adopt you? Was that what it is? It's like like, you're a Skywalker third to you're not

Matthew Kopfhamer:

She's all the Jedi now, so she's all the Skywalkers.

Vignesh Doraiswamy:

Yeah. There's a lot of Skywalkers in the

Jagger May:

Jedi, though.

Alfredo Brown:

I'm Ray Windu. That would have been a fucking hella Just directed by Michael Bay. We're out.

Jagger May:

What? I'm done. It would've been perfect. It was right there, JJ. What else?

Jagger May:

And then

Matthew Kopfhamer:

you have else? And then you have Mesa's forced ghost just sitting in the background like, that's right, motherfuckers.

Jagger May:

Motherfuckers. Hey, etiquette. I fucked Padme two.

Matthew Kopfhamer:

Alright. I showed her my purple lightsaber.

Alfredo Brown:

Jesus. Okay. Was it, guys. We ranked all 12 live action Star Wars movies. 11.

Alfredo Brown:

Oh, yeah. 11. Sure. There's 11 of them. Dude, I'm sorry.

Alfredo Brown:

We've gone too far. All 11 live action Star Wars movies. We'll be back again on Monday with our review of the finale of The Last of Us. As always, wanna remind everybody, make sure you are subscribed to the channel. We've got our YouTube channel, and the podcast can be found on Apple or Spotify.

Alfredo Brown:

As always. But thank you guys for watching and listening all the way through. For myself, for Jagger, for Koff, for Vig, we'll see you next time.

Episode Video

Creators and Guests

Alfredo Brown
Host
Alfredo Brown
Alfredo is a podcast host and content curator responsible for co-founding Unbinged.
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Jagger May
Host
Jagger May
Jagger is a podcast host and content editor responsible for co-founding Unbinged.
X Bluesky